It's the hap, happiest season of all - Date Diary #.....well, let's just say I've lost count.

Merry Christmas!!!  Or at least it will be very soon.  It's been a while since I've given you all an official date diary. This may not qualify as official, but since Milton and I have had a string of dates lately that don't involve sitting on my couch and watching TV, I thought I'd take this opportunity to tell you about our recent adventures.

Thunder Up!

Unexpectedly, Milton got tickets to the Thunder game last Tuesday.  The Thunder played the Milwaukee Bucks, so the game wasn't expected to be extremely competitive...and it wasn't.  but it was my first live Thunder game of the season, and we had a good time.  Plus, all the Thunder players were finally healed!

Milton picked me up from work, and told me he liked my outfit.  Oddly enough, it was the first time he's really complimented my clothing.  I guess Milton is a fan of blazers.  Before the game we grabbed some pizza at Hideaway.  So good, but pizza is one of those trigger foods for me. It was kind of like giving hydrocodone to a heroin addict complaining of a slight headache.  After the holidays, I'm going to have to seriously get back on the Weight Watcher's bandwagon.

Basketball is one of the few sports I actually understand, along with tennis, gymnastics, and figure skating, so I love going to live games or watching on TV.  I'd never sat in Loud City (the upper decks of the arena), because I'm a spoiled princess whose company has awesome seats that they often give to employees.  I was pleasantly surprised to find the players are still recognizable from that distance. Milton warned me that he can be a pretty intense spectator.  I was prepared for him to rip off his shirt halfway through the game and yell racist things at the refs, but instead he just sat in his seat, holding my hand.  In an ultra-macho show of fanaticism, he did take breaks occasionally to clap his hands or execute a celebratory fist pump.  Geez, Milton.  Calm down.  I can't take him anywhere...

I just have to give Milton a quick shout-out for his end of the night chivalry. When he dropped me back at my car at work at the end of the night, I accidentally left my phone in his car. Being someone who always pays attention to things, he quickly noticed and drove it over to my house, without me having to ask. Which was great, because I was already stressing about how I was going to get ahold of him to get my phone back. My hero!!  How the hell did we get anything done before cell phones?

The Clark Griswold Extravaganza!!

On Friday, we made a double date with some of my friends to drive down to Chickasha and check out Christmas lights.  Milton had been talking about doing this for weeks.  He loves the holidays and all things that have to do with Christmas decorations.  This is my solitary Christmas decoration....so....yeah...

But I was happy to participate in a holiday themed evening with friends.  Milton hadn't met these particular friends before, but it's not like there's anything potentially awkward about spending 4+ hours in the car with people who've just met.  Luckily, my friends are awesome, so we all had a great time!  Milton wanted to take us by a home in Norman that really goes all out for the holidays.  The light display was pretty intense.  Their entire ranch house was decked out, and the lights were timed to a 15-minute Christmas music show on a local radio station.  The whole things was a fundraiser for a local food bank, but upon exiting, I couldn't figure out where to put our donation, so the show was free.  Word of advice to fundraisers everywhere - you have to make the donation bucket accessible or else people like me will give up and just drive away without contributing anything.  After that we were going to get on the road to Chickasha, but it was so foggy and already almost 9pm, so we bailed on the plan.  We did manage to take one picture outside my friend's house:

Here are a few highlights from the evening:

• I learned that Milton is a little picky about his car. I mentioned that I wanted some ice-cream before we left the burger joint where we had dinner.  I added that I'd just get it to go so we wouldn't be any more behind that we already were, which led to the following exchange:
• Milton:  You want to eat in my car?
• Me:  Yeah, but only so I can smear ice-cream all over the windows.
• Milton:  Okay (in a voice that made it clear this was anything but okay). 
• So what did I do, you ask?  I got my ice-cream to go and ate in the car.  I'm 31, not 3 - I can eat in a moving vehicle without incident.  Mostly. 
• We had a lovely, intense discussion about all the ways in which Disney is racist and behind the times.  Almost all the Disney princesses are white, and there are definitely no interracial couples, unless you count Pocahontas and John Smith, which I don't because that was a historical event, not Disney trying to be edgy.  Milton pointed out that they've had a little girl on dog action in Beauty and the Beast, but there's been no guy on guy or girl on girl.  I suppose that's next. 
• This was followed by a debate about the gender of Big Bird from Sesame Street.  The jury is still out. What's not up for debate is that Miss Piggy is the official ass-kicker of the Muppets.
• At the start of our road-trip, I challenged my friend with the task of writing a poem about our adventure.  It was decided that a haiku would be most appropriate (you know, since it doesn't have to rhyme, and it's super short).  But no one delivered, so now I present for your poetry reading pleasure, the following:

Christmas lights to see

big time Chickasha failure

better luck next year

A Kelly Clarkson Concert, AKA, My Company Christmas Party!!!

On Saturday night, Milton and I attended my company Christmas party along with a couple of my friends who love to crash soirees.  There were about 4,500 people there, so it was kind of an event.  Plus, Kelly Clarkson performed.  I've been told, by like everyone, that this kind of company Christmas party is not typical.  I sort of remember the days of going to work Christmas parties where I was happy if I didn't end up with old socks in the dirty Santa gift exchange.  Glad those days are over. 

It was such a fun party and a great excuse to get all dressed up!

Don't know if you can tell, but Kelly Clarkson is singing in the background.

My friend procured all manner of flashing light necklaces and rings for us from the tables scattered around the venue.  She said they made us brave, which must be true, because I actually danced for a bit once the whole event shifted to a nightclub feel.  Milton did not dance, but that doesn't mean he escaped humiliation.  I made Milton pose for some cheesy portraits at some of the many photo booths.  

This one takes me right back to 1994 - our mothers will love it!

Needless to say, the car ride to the party was a lot more chill than the car ride home.  Milton is a good sport.  Not every guy would be interested in escorting 3 super slightly drunk girls home. Actually, on second thought, that sounds like every frat boy's fantasy. 

Meet (the last of) the Parents!!!!

We wrapped up our weekend by having lunch with Milton's dad and stepmom on Sunday. Coincidentally, his stepmom and my mom are both named Jana.  And they are both school teachers. And that's probably where the similarities end, but that's okay. This was the last set of parents I needed to meet.  Milton still hasn't met my parents, so that's a blog post for another day.  We met them at Cheddars in Midwest City, and I'm happy to say everything went very well.  I'd like to think that's because of my sparkling personality, but it probably has more to do with the fact that Milton's stepmom ordered a margarita the size of a baby's bathtub.

I'm sure it's 5 o'clock somewhere...

All about that space, 'bout that space...

Ah, Christmas.....a time to celebrate the birth of Christ, spend time with loved ones, and feel more alone than ever.  I believe Charlie Brown said it best:

I just love everything about a Charlie Brown Christmas.  Charlie Brown spends the whole movie melancholy and sad.  I feel like if he were real, we'd totally hit it off.  

But I already have a boyfriend.  Milton and I have been going out for exactly 70 days, as in 10 weeks, as in 2.5 months.  And in that time, we've been on dozens of dates, L-words have been uttered, and I've weathered no less than 3 major freak-outs.  These were somewhat private freak-outs (well, public now, I guess).  I doubt Milton even really knew they were happening.  If he did, he's either an amazing actor in which case we'll be moving to Hollywood, or he's really just that sweet and patient and knew I'd come around if he just let me work through it.  I'm guessing he had no idea.

Let me explain.  I've been single pretty much my whole life.  I've gone on dates here and there, but nothing compared to the whirlwind of dates I experienced back in September when I started online dating.  By the time Milton and I got together, I was pretty worn out with the whole concept of socialization, and the introverted side of my personality was on interaction overload.  Adding a boyfriend to the mix nearly fried my brain - so much so, I almost broke up with him a week after agreeing to be his girlfriend.  Almost, as in I thought about it hard for like 20 minutes and my mom and sister reminded me I was being crazy.

Part of the issue (and to be clear, this was all my issue) is that I could tell Milton really liked me, like really, really liked me.  I think I was so confused by the fact that someone might actually like me that much that I was trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong with him.  Then I berated myself trying to figure out what was so wrong with me that I can't just accept that a guy likes me.  I was over-thinking everything and sabotaging my ability to just live in the moment.  The butterflies I'd felt initially dissipated so quickly I was beginning to think they were never butterflies in the first place. What if that initial infatuation was really just poorly digested Taco Bell?  Luckily, they were butterflies, but I'd killed them with my own poisonous blend of pessimism and fear.  

To combat my freak-out, I started reading all kinds of internet articles about love and relationships and seeking advice from friends.  If you're ever in a similar situation, don't do this.  It will only create more questions.  The internet is evil.  It lulls you into a false sense of security with its thousands of "helpful" links available at the click of a button that turn out to be a vortex of confusion and contradiction.  There's an endless supply of articles to tell you exactly how you should be feeling in any kind of relationship situation.  There are quizzes to tell you if he loves you, if you love him, if you should even love anybody, or if you're lovable yourself.  There are checklists for what the right guy will say, do, eat, or drink.  There are also checklists for what the wrong guy will have to say about what you say, do, eat, or drink.  None of these are helpful.  And I might point out most of them are written by people with a sketchy track record in relationships themselves.  Just think about it, any moron with an internet connection can write an article and publish it for the whole world to read. Like this blog, for example.  Ditto for friends - everyone wants to be helpful and has the very best of intentions, but since we're all pulling from the same pool of Hollywood romantic comedies, our views of what love should feel like are equally, well, full of crap.

But my analytical brain was thirsty for information that would help me sort through the messy, chaotic chemical response that is love.  I was desperate to put a quantifiable process to the purely qualitative concept of relationships.  It turns out there is no checklist that can tell you if you are in love.  There's no quiz that can adequately tell you if a guy loves you.  Love is a very personal experience.  There's no way to shove all the possible emotions into a one-size-fits-all formula.  You have to assess your relationship purely by what you "feel."  Ugh.  After spending countless years avoiding having emotional responses to anything relationship centered, this has been a bit of a challenge for me.  Imagine a dumber, less Asian love child of Dr. Yang from Grey's Anatomy and Spock from Star Trek.  That's me.  Not exactly girlfriend material, but probably kind of hot.  

Fast forward a few weeks, and a few more freak-outs later, and I've finally deduced that there is nothing wrong with me.  I'm just wired a little differently than most of the girls I know and 100% of the girls in the romantic comedies I used to love.  I need space in relationships - all relationships. This has been an issue in many of my friendships, so I'm not sure why I didn't see this coming with a boyfriend situation.  I even require space from my own family.  If I spend several days in a row around people, I will need at least 1 day completely to myself to ensure I don't lose my freaking mind.  

My pre-boyfriend daily routine was so completely ingrained into my very fiber as a human being. The threads were wound so tight, it's a wonder I could handle any dating at all.  As I tried to incorporate Milton into my evenings and weekends, I was feeling more and more suffocated.  I would try to carve out some alone time, but it made me feel like I was hiding or having to justify what I needed.  About a month ago, (after my last freak-out), I was finally able to have a real conversation with Milton about this issue after a comedy show over Dairy Queen blizzards.  In my opinion, serious discussions should always be accompanied by ice-cream.  The topic came up somewhat naturally, and I was able to really get my feelings out.  he listened intently, as always, and seemed to understand.  Have I mentioned he's pretty great?

Ever since that conversation, I've felt freer in the relationship than I ever would have thought possible.  I haven't needed as much alone time lately, because I know that when I do need it, all I have to do is tell him.  I don't have to hide or come up with a "legitimate" excuse.  I can just be myself.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh (that's the sound of me breathing).

Now the only thing I have to freak-out about is whether he'll like his Christmas present and then what to get him for Valentines.  He liked his birthday present - his birthday happened to be two days after Thanksgiving.  Well played, Milton - start dating a girl right before your birthday so she has to pick out the perfect gift that says, "I like you enough, but not so much that you need to get a restraining order."  I feel like I accomplished that with an assortment of Dallas Cowboys themed items of varying quality and seriousness, but with Christmas around the corner, my victory is short-lived.  It's like the game of picking out the perfect present is never really won.  You just survive until the next holiday.  

With gift-giving in mind, I'll leave you with this final thought:

Glad those days are over.....although tell that to my online dating account.  I shut it down months ago, but they still send me a daily list of matches.  I'm not getting any messages or site activity, so I know my profile isn't active. {not so humble brag} I'll take it as a sign that the Lord wants me to remember how good I have it, as the profile pictures I'm seeing don't inspire any desire in me beyond wanting to make sure my house alarm is set at night.

Just checking in...

Hey there all my dedicated blog readers.  It's so good of you to still care about the fact that I have a boyfriend.  Which I do....he hasn't broken up with me yet, even though I've been myself on no less than 3 occasions.  What can I say, Milton is obviously a keeper.  Need proof?  Here's a totally incomplete list of all the things I like about him.  Warning - I don't want this to come off as fake bragging so you all think my relationship is great when it actually sucks.  You know the kind of people I'm talking about -

So, just so you know, this is a real list.  I'm way too authentic and, frankly, busy to spend time writing a bunch of crap I don't truly believe.

1. He makes a big deal about it when I use emoticons.  He understands that I view emoticons as foolish cartoons made for a generation of idiots who can't convey genuine emotion through words alone.  But, I also understand that he appreciates it when I respond with a blushing smiley face after he says something sweet.  Relationships are about compromise.
2. Speaking of compromise, Milton will pretty much do anything I suggest, even if he doesn't want too.  I haven't fully tested the limits of my power yet, but so far his standard response of "I'm happy to go if you want to" has applied to a hardcore concert in a sketchy part of town, line dancing, and my lame company Christmas party.  Here we are at the concert.  Milton said I could stop censoring his face, but I kind of like the mystery.  It's like I'm dating someone in witness protection.
   
3. For my part, I've agreed to go to a Garth Brooks concert if he can get tickets, and I recently went to a David Spade/Dennis Miller comedy show.  Oh, who am I kidding - the comedy show was totally great, and I know I'd have fun at a Garth Brooks concert.  So pretty much, Milton has asked nothing of me so far.  
4. He goes to church with me, and doesn't make it seem like a chore. 
5. He is incredibly protective of me, but not at all in a weird, possessive way.  Case in point, we were at the hardcore concert in this super terrible part of OKC.  I knew Milton would need to leave a little early due to a road trip with his family the next day.  I had made arrangements with another friend at the concert to take me home after we were done with our post-show hanging out at whatever late night pancake house we landed at.  Around 11, we were still at the concert.  I told Milton to head out whenever he needed to because my girlfriend would take me home.  I forget his exact words, but he said something to the effect of, "I'm not leaving you here.  I'll take you wherever you and your friends are going after this, and then I will leave you there in a safe, well-lit establishment."  The degree to which he cared about me not getting stabbed was really sweet. 
6. He doesn't just care about my safety, he also cares about my comfort.  He's figured out that I'm always cold, and goes to great lengths to make sure I'm comfortable.  At the last few movies we've seen together, he's held both of my hands to ward off frostbite.  The other night at the comedy show, he carried his coat around the casino/venue (which he never wears a coat), because I didn't want my coat to smell like smoke.  He knew I would get cold at different points throughout the evening, and he was right.  We complete each other - I'm an ice-cube and he's a human heater. 
7. I trust him.  The comedy show was 2+ hours away from OKC.  We knew we'd be getting back super late.  I slept the whole way home. That's definitely not something I could do with someone I didn't trust.    
8. He likes everything I cook, and he's even willing to eat leftovers.  Need I say more?
9. He makes my life easier.  The other night, we were supposed to just hang out, watch a movie, and eat some leftover turkey chili.  Pretty epic night if you ask me.  He asked if there was anything he could bring besides a movie for us to watch.  I told him I wouldn't say no to a beer. When he came in the house he had brought a movie, a 6-pack, and a case of bottled water because he'd noticed earlier in the week that I was getting low.  Better than a bouquet of flowers.  
10. He thinks I'm beautiful.  Even when I'm in pajamas with my hair messed up and no make-up. It's vain, but it's important.  The other night he texted unexpectedly that he was going to swing by to see me for a few minutes.  I warned him that I was already wound down for the evening, and I looked pretty rough.  His response, "not possible."
11. He's pretty cute too, especially when he's excited about something. 
12. He cracks himself up sometimes, which cracks me up too.  He has this great, full-body laugh that just makes you want to laugh with him. 
13. He listens to everything I say.  I'm ashamed to say he listens way better than I do.  And, more importantly, he tries to understand when I explain a weird facet of my personality that makes me hard to date.  For example, the other night, I explained a little more about my extreme introverted personality and how I need days off after being around people for too long.  So today, without making me ask, he gave me a day off to lounge in my pajamas and binge watch Downton Abbey while knitting in front of the fire.  It was great!  And exactly what I needed to gear up for another week. 

As I said, this list is in no way complete - it's really just a compilation of the things that I'm thinking about tonight.  I can't imagine what Milton's list would have to say about me.  It's times like this I'm really glad I'm not dating a guy who writes a public blog. 

Why can't everyone just be normal?

So I was all set to shut down the blog - I even sort of told Milton I would be doing just that.  But something in me just can't let it go.  What can I say, I'm incredibly stubborn...something I'm sure Milton is well on his way to figuring out.  That being said, I'm still experimenting with the tone and style of the blog going forward.  I definitely won't be posting as often, and I can't guarantee humor, unless of course you find my whole life to be one big joke.  It certainly feels that way at times.

So, let's see, where to begin...

I still have a boyfriend!  No one is more surprised by this than me.  Milton and I have been seeing each other for 3 weeks and 5 days, but it's not like I'm keeping track.  That would be weird.  We've been on 12 dates (and yes, I'm counting the times we just watch TV at my house), and we've had 0 fights.  Basically our relationship is like one of those newborns that inexplicably sleeps through the night, so you just tiptoe through the house not wanting to make any sudden sounds that might ruin the magic.

We've slowly started incorporating each other into our everyday lives.  It's one thing to date in a vacuum of just the two of us.  It's a whole other thing to start introducing someone to the parts of your life that make up who you are.  The first of these experiences was going to watch Milton play tennis at one of his leagues.  I've been a fan of professional tennis for years.  I even took lessons for about 4 months a few years ago, thinking that all those years of watching Grand Slams from my recliner would translate into aces and forehand winners.  It didn't.  The quality of the play was slightly under that of say, Wimbledon, but it was great to watch Milton do something he enjoys so much.  It was also the first time I heard Milton introduce me to someone as his girlfriend.  That didn't suck either.

This past weekend, I took Milton with me to church.  He's long been a church goer, but it was his first time to attend my church.  There's a phenomenon among all churches that I like to call you've-gone-here-for-years-but-now-that-you've-brought-a-guest-we're-going-to-change-how-we-do-everything-for-one-week-just-to-screw-with-you-itus.  You can call it Schizo-Service for short. Any time I take a visitor to church, and I mean any time, it's like the whole team of church leaders conspire with the congregation to totally change the look, feel, and message of the church just to make sure that the hip, happening place you promised your guest is now square, awkward, and drenched in good old Bible-Belt bigotry.  If your church normally has a preacher, you'll find they've switched to puppet ministry.  If your church prays silently during communion, they'll decide to make everyone take a turn at the mic as they pass around a bottle of wine and some Twinkies.

Case in point, I took a Chinese exchange student to my church in Tulsa one time, and I swear, the word "blood" was uttered no less than 100 times during the service.  The whole worship service and message I heard blood of Christ this and lamb's blood that.  I knew what they were talking about, and yet I was still looking around for someone to start the animal sacrifices.  I can't imagine what someone raised in Communist China thought of all that.  Needless to say, it was a quiet ride home.

So I knew going in that this was going to be rough.  I was just crossing my fingers that the sermon wouldn't be about porn addiction or gay marriage.  My prayer was that everyone could just be normal. Unfortunately, Schizo-Service is a force of nature, not to be trifled with.  When we pulled into the parking lot, there was a full-on carnival underway.  Kids were running all over the place in Halloween costumes - I had totally forgotten my church's love of all things pagan.  Instead of the typical rock concert awesomeness that is our worship service, the team decided to slow things down a bit with an acoustic set of all ballads.  To top things off, the preacher had the audacity to be visiting another church, so we had a guest speaker.  On the plus side, nobody spoke in tongues or asked Milton for money.

That could have been enough firsts for one day, but I ended up meeting Milton's mother, step-father, and sister later that afternoon.  I was a bit nervous about this for some reason.  I guess I just didn't quite know what to expect having never been brought home to meet someone's family.  I really liked everyone.  His family seems to genuinely get along, which is such a rare thing these days.  His sister's dog gave her seal of approval by promptly throwing up.  I'm going to take that as a compliment - she was so excited about me, she just couldn't hold it all in.  I'm happy to report that I didn't do anything to embarrass myself (I mean, I didn't throw up or anything).  I didn't feel as "on" or myself as I would have liked, but hopefully there will be opportunities for me to hang out with them again, and they can see what I'm really like.  It's probably best to ease in anyway.  After all, I'm an acquired taste.

We ended the afternoon cuddled on my couch, Milton watching football and me reading my Kindle.  If this is being in a relationship, I think I could get used to it.




P.S. I'm getting my hair done on Friday.  When I made the appointment, I realized I hadn't gotten my hair done since before my date with Geek-Squad, which as you'll all recall was my first date from the online dating site.  It just shocked me to see how much my life had changed in the blink of time between haircuts. To quote Ferris Bueller:  "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

How u doin'...and other opening messages that don't work.

Well, it's been about a week since Milton asked me to go steady, and we've already survived my first freak-out.  More on that later, but first I'd like to provide a little insight into the messaging side of online dating now that I've had a few days to ruminate on the matter.

The first impression is always the most important.  It doesn't have to be perfect.  Certainly, a bad first impression can blossom into a wonderful relationship, but there are some things one just can't recover from.  For example, a guy who walks up to me at a bar will have a hard time getting anywhere if he opens with how much he'd like to "remove that stick up my ass and make me smile."  And yes, that actually happened many years ago.  I told him exactly what I'd do with that stick if removed. Needless to say, he wanted it to stay put.

In online dating your interactions are taking place through a screen, so if anything, you should be more careful in how you craft your opening line.  In theory, you've had time to review the profile of the person you want to contact and have been able to come up with something personalized and meaningful.  In theory.  In practice, boys apparently spend about 3 seconds deciding what form of "please have my babies" would be most charming before hitting send.

Based solely on my experience as a girl and a former online dater, I'd like to give you all a little advice about how to craft that perfect opening message.

Here's what doesn't work:

• Any mention of a girls face or body in the opening sentence - This happens so much more than I'm comfortable with.  I got a lot of messages on the site over the last month.  The majority of the messages that I chose not to respond to contained some mention of how beautiful I was in the first sentence. Some people might be okay with this, but I believe if your goal is to find an actual relationship and not just a hook-up, steer clear of the boys who focus purely on the physical.  And in that vein...
• Any requests to be their baby mama - This was less frequent, but still an issue.  I appreciate that these guys at least read my profile enough to know that I'd like to have kids someday, but it's presumptuous of them to think I'd like to have their children. 
• One word openers like "hi" or "hey" - If you can't be bothered to write at least one full sentence, then I can't be bothered to respond. Short, pointless messages are a clear sign that a guy is sending messages to every girl he's matched with on the site.  He's just after critical mass, and sending out one-word messages is the only efficient way to reach all the ladies.
• Saying, "I really liked your profile," and then not saying anything else - It's totally fine if this sentence is wrapped in with a few others that are more personal.  But saying only that you liked someone's profile is like saying, "Hi, I'm captain obvious, it's nice to meet you."  Clearly you liked my profile, because you're messaging me.  How about telling what it was about my profile that you liked.
• Straight up giving me your phone number and asking me to text you - Way too fast!
• Writing a reasonably long message that is so full of grammar mistakes that it's not readable - I had one like this, and I've almost decided that it had to be a joke.  The alternative is just too sad.  Hooked on phonics, buddy.  It's a thing.

Here's what does work:

• Pretty much anything that shows you actually read the other person's profile - If you want to message them, there must be something about their profile that caught your eye.  Was it a shared favorite movie or food, a common hobby, or love of the same city?  Whatever it was, use that as a jumping off point to start a conversation.  Some of this starts with how you write your own profile.  For example, I tried to infuse enough personality in my own by mentioning my hatred of Miley Cyrus and my love of grocery store flowers.  The better messages I received used those little tidbits of information as the starting point for their message.  It immediately showed me that they had read my profile and picked up on something that was important to me.
• Old Ginger Spice - As you'll recall, he defended the contributions of Miley Cyrus.
• TaxMan - Even though he didn't want to exchange more than a few messages, he piqued my interest with his clever acknowledgment of my use of bulleted lists.  
• Milton - He mentioned our shared love of the movie Office Space in his opening message, and spoiler alert, that sort of worked out. 
• Make sure your message is more than one sentence but less than 20 - I'm not exactly sure where the sweet spot is, but one sentence is not nearly invested enough, while a full chapter may invoke panic on the part of the reader.  They need to know you're interested, not that you're a stalker.

Today's Updates

• So I mentioned my freak-out.  I'm sure you all could see what was happening based on my last post.  Milton certainly cracked that code with minimal effort.  I felt like I'd already talked to him about it before posting, but apparently I hadn't really gone into enough detail in person.  I have to say, that's one of the things I really like about him - he doesn't let me get away with anything.  He's not afraid to have a difficult discussion, and he definitely listens to any concerns I have without making me feel stupid. 
• I'm happy to report, I'm no longer freaking-out.  I spent pretty much all day Friday and Saturday with Milton, and it was so great!  We have so much fun whether we're doing something or nothing.  I'm enjoying all the butterflies that come from spending time with him. This truly is the fun part!
• I survived, or rather Milton survived, meeting my sister and brother-in-law.  They're both so important to me.  If they hadn't liked Milton, that would have made things really difficult. Luckily, they both really liked him.  Next up, I will be meeting Milton's mother.  I'm happy about this, but of course, it comes with the normal amount of anxiety.  But it's safe to say, the woman who raised Milton has to be amazing. 

In other news, I finally got Milton's permission to share his picture on the blog.  This is a big day for all of us!

Well he's still a little shy, but don't I look happy?

And now, for my next trick...

This marks the first post after Milton and I had our big DTR (define the relationship) discussion, meaning this is the first post where I know he might be reading.  That's pretty much the reason it's taken me 4 days to revisit the blog.  I had a lot of things to consider:

Did it even make sense to try and continue writing?

Would Milton be able to handle having part of his life analyzed and documented for my readers?

Could I write in an honest and authentic way if I knew he was reading it?

Would anyone care to read the blog if I was suddenly happy instead of surly?

I'm not sure I've been able to answer all of those questions, so for now this is going to be a bit of an experiment.  I talked with Milton at length about continuing to write the blog, and he seems to think it will be okay as long as I don't divulge his darkest secrets to the world.  To be fair, he hasn't told me any dark secrets, and he probably won't since I sort of write a public blog about our relationship. Also, this "at length" discussion was only "at length" for a boy - I basically kept asking him if he was okay with it, and he just kept saying yes without expounding for hours upon hours like any decent girl would have done.  Boys....

I'm going to endeavor to write about what I'm feeling with the same truth and sarcasm as I've been doing so far.  Trust me, if it doesn't work, we'll all know it because the posts will suck.  I will probably not be writing date diaries for every date I have with Milton.  That would be exhausting, and frankly, there's only so many times you can read about two people eating dinner and watching TV before you start to look for a razor blade.  I may make exceptions for extra special occasions.

I already warned Milton that he can't text or say really sweet things to me if his only motivation is to be talked about positively on the blog.  I'm on to you, mister.  Nobody is that sweet all the time.

For my part, I do not want the blog to become a substitute for talking to Milton about what I'm feeling.  I can't use the blog to passive aggressively send him messages, as much as I might want to. For example, it would be super inappropriate to write a post about how all I've ever wanted was a French bulldog puppy and that I would be so happy if someone would get me one.  That just wouldn't be right.  I've decided my personal rule will be that I cannot write about an issue, concern, or feeling that I'm having in the relationship if I haven't already had a discussion about it with Milton.  Fair enough?  By the way, I can totally see a point in the not-to-distant future where Milton begs me to blog about my feelings instead of talking to him about it.

Okay, enough of the heavy....

So my last day on the site, I got winked at by a 65-year-old and messaged by a 20-year-old.  It was kind of a nice bookend for my last day of online dating, although I did not find either contact to be flattering.  Both experiences were super creepy, and I feel that neither should be legal for obvious reasons.  Ironically, my response to both guys is the same - I'm not interested in changing diapers.


Today's Updates

• The other day a friend sent me this article about how to date a girl who's been alone for a really long time.  Milton and I had just started dating so I wasn't even reading it with him in mind, but as we got more serious, it was apparent to me that the article was spot on for some of the emotions I've been having.  I mentioned it to Milton the night he asked me to go steady.  I thought about doing a whole post about it, but I'd rather just provide the link and say, "yup, that about sums me up."  Consequently, one of the first comments on the article says, "What a good way to justify being a bitch and crazy."  #truthbomb.
• Apparently Milton told his mother about me today.  He gave me a brief rundown of what he told her, and I just hope I can live up to the hype.  He did not tell her about the blog.  That's probably wise.
• This whole having a boyfriend thing is super weird.  I've been single for so long that I really didn't know what I was getting myself into in starting a relationship.  I talked to Milton about this last night, and he didn't run screaming from the house, so I think he understood where I was coming from.  My personal struggle stems from a few things - 1) I'm very independent, so I'm just not used to having a guy who wants to spend time with me and talk about random stuff from my day.  I'm not used to all the attention; 2) That also means I'm not used to having someone that I want to spend time with and talk to about random stuff; 3) I'm more of an analytical personality, so I tend to, you know, analyze stuff to an absurd degree - For the first time in my life I'm actually jealous of the kind of free-spirited Birkenstock wearing hippie chicks who can just go with the flow and have fun; 4) I'm not sure I make a very good girlfriend.  Milton is so much kinder than me, in pretty much every way.  I'm not sure how he can stand me; 5) I don't want to get hurt.  Who does, right?
• A friend offered me the following analogy for how men and women approach relationships: Women are like elephants and men are like mice.  I was inclined to quit listening after he compared women to elephants, but he urged me to hear him out.  Basically, there's no way the mouse can hurt the elephant, but the elephant is terrified of the mouse.  This analogy was supposed to make me feel better about having all these conflicting emotions that come with a new relationship, but I'm too busy being afraid of the mouse to see the up-side.

He likes me, he really likes me - Date Diary #9

There comes a time in every girl's life where she does the thing she's been worried about doing since she was a little girl.  That's right, I cooked dinner for a boy.  Milton texted me on Saturday and wanted to know if I'd be up for renting a movie some night this week.  Due to our crazy schedules, that night ended up being tonight.  It seemed simple enough, but what started out as a quiet evening ended up having a pretty epic conclusion.  

Pre-Game

When Milton suggested a night in, I offered to make dinner.  It only occurred to me later that I'm not really that much of a cook.  I mean, there's a big difference between what I'm willing to eat and what I'd be willing to serve someone else.  I knew I couldn't go with my recent specialty of a baked potato with cottage cheese, so I came up with a menu that I felt would be somewhat palatable.  I made crock-pot lasagna, roasted squash, and pumpkin muffins.  I started cooking early in the afternoon, and managed to only give myself one scar as a souvenir, so I'll call that a success.  

Aside from that lovely brand from the oven rack, here's how I looked for my date:

The Date

So, I think I was more nervous for this date than any of our previous dates because A) I thought he might kiss me and B) he had to eat my cooking.  My nervousness was split about 50/50 for both those things.  When he got to my house, the conversation was a little awkward, and that's totally my fault. It was just different having a guy in my house; it's not something I have much experience with. It took me a while to find my groove.  Luckily, he brought a six-pack with him.  My groove is always easier to find with alcohol.  

We ate dinner on the couch.  He made the requisite yummy noises, so it seemed like dinner was a hit. We relaxed a little and chatted about nothing in particular, but it was easy and natural.  Finally we started watching the movie.  In an earlier conversation he had been horrified that I'd never seen Super Troopers, so obviously we had to fix that, like right meow.   

The movie allowed us to cross the touch barrier in a somewhat natural way.  We cuddled a little during the movie.  From the beginning, I've found Milton to be incredibly easy to be around, and tonight was no exception.  The movie was fine - not nearly as funny as, say, Office Space, but it held it's own as a broad comedy.  

After the movie, we sat cuddled on the couch and just talked.  About the time he popped his 3rd beer, I knew something was up.  He finally moved the conversation to what he called a "serious topic."  As is my role in these situations, I proceeded to make a series of well-timed jokes to prolong the uncomfortableness.  Milton wrestled back control of the situation and told me, somewhat timidly but with a lot of sincerity, that he liked me.  I could have made him sweat a little, but I figured after eating my lasagna and listening to my jokes, he'd suffered enough.  I told him I liked him too.  And then he said he didn't want to date anybody else, and I agreed - I don't want him dating anybody else either.  I acknowledged it was only fair if I stop dating other people too, but honestly, I haven't been talking to or seeing anyone else for a week now.   

Then a little voice said, "tell him about the blog."  I tried to shut-it up with another pumpkin muffin, but it wouldn't be silenced.  So, I told him.  I figured if we were going to be exclusive, he deserved the whole truth about this project.  His reaction was fine; I don't think he really cared, but I'm sure he's interested to read it.  I'm not sure he loved his nickname, but we both know it was a good fit.  I told him since I was planning to keep writing it, it didn't feel right to keep it a secret.  I sent him the link, so we'll see if he's still fine with it tomorrow.  

Then, after all that, he kissed me.  It was sweet and simple.  And it was perfect.  It's also the most action my sofa has ever seen.  

The Good

• Who doesn't love being told someone likes them?  It's like the best feeling ever.  It's so hard to admit that to someone, but when it's mutual, it's just so perfect.  I appreciate so much that Milton had the guts to start that conversation.  He's definitely pursued me since we first met. That gumption is something that's missing in so many guys, and I feel incredibly lucky to have found it. 
• Our entire dating relationship thus far has been so easy.  I told him tonight that this felt like one of those really rare situations where we both knew, without talking about it, that we were having a good time.  After we had our serious talk, it was like a wall came down and we were able to really be ourselves.  We've always been able to talk easily, but this felt totally different. I'm really excited to spend more time with him on this side of things where we can both breathe a little easier. 
• He pointed out that he missed half a Dallas Cowboys football game to come hang out with me. And they say romance is dead...
• He had great lips - must be all that chapstick. 

The Bad

• Telling him about the blog was difficult, but I'm relieved to not be keeping a secret. Obviously, until we were exclusive, I didn't feel like I owed him any information about it, but once we crossed that line, it didn't feel right to keep it hidden.  I'm very interested to hear his thoughts about it.  A part of me thinks his initial reaction was so calm because he doesn't have a clue what he's in for.  Luckily, he's come off very well on the blog.  Well, all except for that whole Gilmore Girls thing.
• Now that I know he's reading the blog, I'm having a hard time not censoring myself.  Oh, who am I kidding, I've never had trouble being blunt.   

The Ugly

• Zip, zilch, nada....

Today's Updates

• As of about 20 minutes ago, I am no longer online dating!  I hid my profile.  Nobody is more surprised about this than me.  Look for my new self-help book to hit shelves next fall - Online Dating for Beginners: How to Find a Guy in 9 Dates or Less.  Mini celebration in honor of me!!!  Woo-hoo!!!
• The next time we can see each other is Wednesday, because this is just a busy week for me. Not sure what we're doing yet, but I'm not sure it matters. I just want to spend more time getting to know him.  
• Even though I'm not actively online dating, I'm still going to write this blog, at least until Milton shuts me down.  I've got plenty of online dating fodder to get through, plus now I can share all my awkward relationship stories.  I can promise there will be plenty to choose from. First up, Milton is meeting my sister on Friday.  Serenity Now!