Why can't everyone just be normal?

So I was all set to shut down the blog - I even sort of told Milton I would be doing just that.  But something in me just can't let it go.  What can I say, I'm incredibly stubborn...something I'm sure Milton is well on his way to figuring out.  That being said, I'm still experimenting with the tone and style of the blog going forward.  I definitely won't be posting as often, and I can't guarantee humor, unless of course you find my whole life to be one big joke.  It certainly feels that way at times.

So, let's see, where to begin...

I still have a boyfriend!  No one is more surprised by this than me.  Milton and I have been seeing each other for 3 weeks and 5 days, but it's not like I'm keeping track.  That would be weird.  We've been on 12 dates (and yes, I'm counting the times we just watch TV at my house), and we've had 0 fights.  Basically our relationship is like one of those newborns that inexplicably sleeps through the night, so you just tiptoe through the house not wanting to make any sudden sounds that might ruin the magic.

We've slowly started incorporating each other into our everyday lives.  It's one thing to date in a vacuum of just the two of us.  It's a whole other thing to start introducing someone to the parts of your life that make up who you are.  The first of these experiences was going to watch Milton play tennis at one of his leagues.  I've been a fan of professional tennis for years.  I even took lessons for about 4 months a few years ago, thinking that all those years of watching Grand Slams from my recliner would translate into aces and forehand winners.  It didn't.  The quality of the play was slightly under that of say, Wimbledon, but it was great to watch Milton do something he enjoys so much.  It was also the first time I heard Milton introduce me to someone as his girlfriend.  That didn't suck either.

This past weekend, I took Milton with me to church.  He's long been a church goer, but it was his first time to attend my church.  There's a phenomenon among all churches that I like to call you've-gone-here-for-years-but-now-that-you've-brought-a-guest-we're-going-to-change-how-we-do-everything-for-one-week-just-to-screw-with-you-itus.  You can call it Schizo-Service for short. Any time I take a visitor to church, and I mean any time, it's like the whole team of church leaders conspire with the congregation to totally change the look, feel, and message of the church just to make sure that the hip, happening place you promised your guest is now square, awkward, and drenched in good old Bible-Belt bigotry.  If your church normally has a preacher, you'll find they've switched to puppet ministry.  If your church prays silently during communion, they'll decide to make everyone take a turn at the mic as they pass around a bottle of wine and some Twinkies.

Case in point, I took a Chinese exchange student to my church in Tulsa one time, and I swear, the word "blood" was uttered no less than 100 times during the service.  The whole worship service and message I heard blood of Christ this and lamb's blood that.  I knew what they were talking about, and yet I was still looking around for someone to start the animal sacrifices.  I can't imagine what someone raised in Communist China thought of all that.  Needless to say, it was a quiet ride home.

So I knew going in that this was going to be rough.  I was just crossing my fingers that the sermon wouldn't be about porn addiction or gay marriage.  My prayer was that everyone could just be normal. Unfortunately, Schizo-Service is a force of nature, not to be trifled with.  When we pulled into the parking lot, there was a full-on carnival underway.  Kids were running all over the place in Halloween costumes - I had totally forgotten my church's love of all things pagan.  Instead of the typical rock concert awesomeness that is our worship service, the team decided to slow things down a bit with an acoustic set of all ballads.  To top things off, the preacher had the audacity to be visiting another church, so we had a guest speaker.  On the plus side, nobody spoke in tongues or asked Milton for money.

That could have been enough firsts for one day, but I ended up meeting Milton's mother, step-father, and sister later that afternoon.  I was a bit nervous about this for some reason.  I guess I just didn't quite know what to expect having never been brought home to meet someone's family.  I really liked everyone.  His family seems to genuinely get along, which is such a rare thing these days.  His sister's dog gave her seal of approval by promptly throwing up.  I'm going to take that as a compliment - she was so excited about me, she just couldn't hold it all in.  I'm happy to report that I didn't do anything to embarrass myself (I mean, I didn't throw up or anything).  I didn't feel as "on" or myself as I would have liked, but hopefully there will be opportunities for me to hang out with them again, and they can see what I'm really like.  It's probably best to ease in anyway.  After all, I'm an acquired taste.

We ended the afternoon cuddled on my couch, Milton watching football and me reading my Kindle.  If this is being in a relationship, I think I could get used to it.




P.S. I'm getting my hair done on Friday.  When I made the appointment, I realized I hadn't gotten my hair done since before my date with Geek-Squad, which as you'll all recall was my first date from the online dating site.  It just shocked me to see how much my life had changed in the blink of time between haircuts. To quote Ferris Bueller:  "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."