It's the hap, happiest season of all - Date Diary #.....well, let's just say I've lost count.

Merry Christmas!!!  Or at least it will be very soon.  It's been a while since I've given you all an official date diary. This may not qualify as official, but since Milton and I have had a string of dates lately that don't involve sitting on my couch and watching TV, I thought I'd take this opportunity to tell you about our recent adventures.

Thunder Up!

Unexpectedly, Milton got tickets to the Thunder game last Tuesday.  The Thunder played the Milwaukee Bucks, so the game wasn't expected to be extremely competitive...and it wasn't.  but it was my first live Thunder game of the season, and we had a good time.  Plus, all the Thunder players were finally healed!

Milton picked me up from work, and told me he liked my outfit.  Oddly enough, it was the first time he's really complimented my clothing.  I guess Milton is a fan of blazers.  Before the game we grabbed some pizza at Hideaway.  So good, but pizza is one of those trigger foods for me. It was kind of like giving hydrocodone to a heroin addict complaining of a slight headache.  After the holidays, I'm going to have to seriously get back on the Weight Watcher's bandwagon.

Basketball is one of the few sports I actually understand, along with tennis, gymnastics, and figure skating, so I love going to live games or watching on TV.  I'd never sat in Loud City (the upper decks of the arena), because I'm a spoiled princess whose company has awesome seats that they often give to employees.  I was pleasantly surprised to find the players are still recognizable from that distance. Milton warned me that he can be a pretty intense spectator.  I was prepared for him to rip off his shirt halfway through the game and yell racist things at the refs, but instead he just sat in his seat, holding my hand.  In an ultra-macho show of fanaticism, he did take breaks occasionally to clap his hands or execute a celebratory fist pump.  Geez, Milton.  Calm down.  I can't take him anywhere...

I just have to give Milton a quick shout-out for his end of the night chivalry. When he dropped me back at my car at work at the end of the night, I accidentally left my phone in his car. Being someone who always pays attention to things, he quickly noticed and drove it over to my house, without me having to ask. Which was great, because I was already stressing about how I was going to get ahold of him to get my phone back. My hero!!  How the hell did we get anything done before cell phones?

The Clark Griswold Extravaganza!!

On Friday, we made a double date with some of my friends to drive down to Chickasha and check out Christmas lights.  Milton had been talking about doing this for weeks.  He loves the holidays and all things that have to do with Christmas decorations.  This is my solitary Christmas decoration....so....yeah...

But I was happy to participate in a holiday themed evening with friends.  Milton hadn't met these particular friends before, but it's not like there's anything potentially awkward about spending 4+ hours in the car with people who've just met.  Luckily, my friends are awesome, so we all had a great time!  Milton wanted to take us by a home in Norman that really goes all out for the holidays.  The light display was pretty intense.  Their entire ranch house was decked out, and the lights were timed to a 15-minute Christmas music show on a local radio station.  The whole things was a fundraiser for a local food bank, but upon exiting, I couldn't figure out where to put our donation, so the show was free.  Word of advice to fundraisers everywhere - you have to make the donation bucket accessible or else people like me will give up and just drive away without contributing anything.  After that we were going to get on the road to Chickasha, but it was so foggy and already almost 9pm, so we bailed on the plan.  We did manage to take one picture outside my friend's house:

Here are a few highlights from the evening:

• I learned that Milton is a little picky about his car. I mentioned that I wanted some ice-cream before we left the burger joint where we had dinner.  I added that I'd just get it to go so we wouldn't be any more behind that we already were, which led to the following exchange:
• Milton:  You want to eat in my car?
• Me:  Yeah, but only so I can smear ice-cream all over the windows.
• Milton:  Okay (in a voice that made it clear this was anything but okay). 
• So what did I do, you ask?  I got my ice-cream to go and ate in the car.  I'm 31, not 3 - I can eat in a moving vehicle without incident.  Mostly. 
• We had a lovely, intense discussion about all the ways in which Disney is racist and behind the times.  Almost all the Disney princesses are white, and there are definitely no interracial couples, unless you count Pocahontas and John Smith, which I don't because that was a historical event, not Disney trying to be edgy.  Milton pointed out that they've had a little girl on dog action in Beauty and the Beast, but there's been no guy on guy or girl on girl.  I suppose that's next. 
• This was followed by a debate about the gender of Big Bird from Sesame Street.  The jury is still out. What's not up for debate is that Miss Piggy is the official ass-kicker of the Muppets.
• At the start of our road-trip, I challenged my friend with the task of writing a poem about our adventure.  It was decided that a haiku would be most appropriate (you know, since it doesn't have to rhyme, and it's super short).  But no one delivered, so now I present for your poetry reading pleasure, the following:

Christmas lights to see

big time Chickasha failure

better luck next year

A Kelly Clarkson Concert, AKA, My Company Christmas Party!!!

On Saturday night, Milton and I attended my company Christmas party along with a couple of my friends who love to crash soirees.  There were about 4,500 people there, so it was kind of an event.  Plus, Kelly Clarkson performed.  I've been told, by like everyone, that this kind of company Christmas party is not typical.  I sort of remember the days of going to work Christmas parties where I was happy if I didn't end up with old socks in the dirty Santa gift exchange.  Glad those days are over. 

It was such a fun party and a great excuse to get all dressed up!

Don't know if you can tell, but Kelly Clarkson is singing in the background.

My friend procured all manner of flashing light necklaces and rings for us from the tables scattered around the venue.  She said they made us brave, which must be true, because I actually danced for a bit once the whole event shifted to a nightclub feel.  Milton did not dance, but that doesn't mean he escaped humiliation.  I made Milton pose for some cheesy portraits at some of the many photo booths.  

This one takes me right back to 1994 - our mothers will love it!

Needless to say, the car ride to the party was a lot more chill than the car ride home.  Milton is a good sport.  Not every guy would be interested in escorting 3 super slightly drunk girls home. Actually, on second thought, that sounds like every frat boy's fantasy. 

Meet (the last of) the Parents!!!!

We wrapped up our weekend by having lunch with Milton's dad and stepmom on Sunday. Coincidentally, his stepmom and my mom are both named Jana.  And they are both school teachers. And that's probably where the similarities end, but that's okay. This was the last set of parents I needed to meet.  Milton still hasn't met my parents, so that's a blog post for another day.  We met them at Cheddars in Midwest City, and I'm happy to say everything went very well.  I'd like to think that's because of my sparkling personality, but it probably has more to do with the fact that Milton's stepmom ordered a margarita the size of a baby's bathtub.

I'm sure it's 5 o'clock somewhere...

All about that space, 'bout that space...

Ah, Christmas.....a time to celebrate the birth of Christ, spend time with loved ones, and feel more alone than ever.  I believe Charlie Brown said it best:

I just love everything about a Charlie Brown Christmas.  Charlie Brown spends the whole movie melancholy and sad.  I feel like if he were real, we'd totally hit it off.  

But I already have a boyfriend.  Milton and I have been going out for exactly 70 days, as in 10 weeks, as in 2.5 months.  And in that time, we've been on dozens of dates, L-words have been uttered, and I've weathered no less than 3 major freak-outs.  These were somewhat private freak-outs (well, public now, I guess).  I doubt Milton even really knew they were happening.  If he did, he's either an amazing actor in which case we'll be moving to Hollywood, or he's really just that sweet and patient and knew I'd come around if he just let me work through it.  I'm guessing he had no idea.

Let me explain.  I've been single pretty much my whole life.  I've gone on dates here and there, but nothing compared to the whirlwind of dates I experienced back in September when I started online dating.  By the time Milton and I got together, I was pretty worn out with the whole concept of socialization, and the introverted side of my personality was on interaction overload.  Adding a boyfriend to the mix nearly fried my brain - so much so, I almost broke up with him a week after agreeing to be his girlfriend.  Almost, as in I thought about it hard for like 20 minutes and my mom and sister reminded me I was being crazy.

Part of the issue (and to be clear, this was all my issue) is that I could tell Milton really liked me, like really, really liked me.  I think I was so confused by the fact that someone might actually like me that much that I was trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong with him.  Then I berated myself trying to figure out what was so wrong with me that I can't just accept that a guy likes me.  I was over-thinking everything and sabotaging my ability to just live in the moment.  The butterflies I'd felt initially dissipated so quickly I was beginning to think they were never butterflies in the first place. What if that initial infatuation was really just poorly digested Taco Bell?  Luckily, they were butterflies, but I'd killed them with my own poisonous blend of pessimism and fear.  

To combat my freak-out, I started reading all kinds of internet articles about love and relationships and seeking advice from friends.  If you're ever in a similar situation, don't do this.  It will only create more questions.  The internet is evil.  It lulls you into a false sense of security with its thousands of "helpful" links available at the click of a button that turn out to be a vortex of confusion and contradiction.  There's an endless supply of articles to tell you exactly how you should be feeling in any kind of relationship situation.  There are quizzes to tell you if he loves you, if you love him, if you should even love anybody, or if you're lovable yourself.  There are checklists for what the right guy will say, do, eat, or drink.  There are also checklists for what the wrong guy will have to say about what you say, do, eat, or drink.  None of these are helpful.  And I might point out most of them are written by people with a sketchy track record in relationships themselves.  Just think about it, any moron with an internet connection can write an article and publish it for the whole world to read. Like this blog, for example.  Ditto for friends - everyone wants to be helpful and has the very best of intentions, but since we're all pulling from the same pool of Hollywood romantic comedies, our views of what love should feel like are equally, well, full of crap.

But my analytical brain was thirsty for information that would help me sort through the messy, chaotic chemical response that is love.  I was desperate to put a quantifiable process to the purely qualitative concept of relationships.  It turns out there is no checklist that can tell you if you are in love.  There's no quiz that can adequately tell you if a guy loves you.  Love is a very personal experience.  There's no way to shove all the possible emotions into a one-size-fits-all formula.  You have to assess your relationship purely by what you "feel."  Ugh.  After spending countless years avoiding having emotional responses to anything relationship centered, this has been a bit of a challenge for me.  Imagine a dumber, less Asian love child of Dr. Yang from Grey's Anatomy and Spock from Star Trek.  That's me.  Not exactly girlfriend material, but probably kind of hot.  

Fast forward a few weeks, and a few more freak-outs later, and I've finally deduced that there is nothing wrong with me.  I'm just wired a little differently than most of the girls I know and 100% of the girls in the romantic comedies I used to love.  I need space in relationships - all relationships. This has been an issue in many of my friendships, so I'm not sure why I didn't see this coming with a boyfriend situation.  I even require space from my own family.  If I spend several days in a row around people, I will need at least 1 day completely to myself to ensure I don't lose my freaking mind.  

My pre-boyfriend daily routine was so completely ingrained into my very fiber as a human being. The threads were wound so tight, it's a wonder I could handle any dating at all.  As I tried to incorporate Milton into my evenings and weekends, I was feeling more and more suffocated.  I would try to carve out some alone time, but it made me feel like I was hiding or having to justify what I needed.  About a month ago, (after my last freak-out), I was finally able to have a real conversation with Milton about this issue after a comedy show over Dairy Queen blizzards.  In my opinion, serious discussions should always be accompanied by ice-cream.  The topic came up somewhat naturally, and I was able to really get my feelings out.  he listened intently, as always, and seemed to understand.  Have I mentioned he's pretty great?

Ever since that conversation, I've felt freer in the relationship than I ever would have thought possible.  I haven't needed as much alone time lately, because I know that when I do need it, all I have to do is tell him.  I don't have to hide or come up with a "legitimate" excuse.  I can just be myself.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh (that's the sound of me breathing).

Now the only thing I have to freak-out about is whether he'll like his Christmas present and then what to get him for Valentines.  He liked his birthday present - his birthday happened to be two days after Thanksgiving.  Well played, Milton - start dating a girl right before your birthday so she has to pick out the perfect gift that says, "I like you enough, but not so much that you need to get a restraining order."  I feel like I accomplished that with an assortment of Dallas Cowboys themed items of varying quality and seriousness, but with Christmas around the corner, my victory is short-lived.  It's like the game of picking out the perfect present is never really won.  You just survive until the next holiday.  

With gift-giving in mind, I'll leave you with this final thought:

Glad those days are over.....although tell that to my online dating account.  I shut it down months ago, but they still send me a daily list of matches.  I'm not getting any messages or site activity, so I know my profile isn't active. {not so humble brag} I'll take it as a sign that the Lord wants me to remember how good I have it, as the profile pictures I'm seeing don't inspire any desire in me beyond wanting to make sure my house alarm is set at night.

Just checking in...

Hey there all my dedicated blog readers.  It's so good of you to still care about the fact that I have a boyfriend.  Which I do....he hasn't broken up with me yet, even though I've been myself on no less than 3 occasions.  What can I say, Milton is obviously a keeper.  Need proof?  Here's a totally incomplete list of all the things I like about him.  Warning - I don't want this to come off as fake bragging so you all think my relationship is great when it actually sucks.  You know the kind of people I'm talking about -

So, just so you know, this is a real list.  I'm way too authentic and, frankly, busy to spend time writing a bunch of crap I don't truly believe.

1. He makes a big deal about it when I use emoticons.  He understands that I view emoticons as foolish cartoons made for a generation of idiots who can't convey genuine emotion through words alone.  But, I also understand that he appreciates it when I respond with a blushing smiley face after he says something sweet.  Relationships are about compromise.
2. Speaking of compromise, Milton will pretty much do anything I suggest, even if he doesn't want too.  I haven't fully tested the limits of my power yet, but so far his standard response of "I'm happy to go if you want to" has applied to a hardcore concert in a sketchy part of town, line dancing, and my lame company Christmas party.  Here we are at the concert.  Milton said I could stop censoring his face, but I kind of like the mystery.  It's like I'm dating someone in witness protection.
   
3. For my part, I've agreed to go to a Garth Brooks concert if he can get tickets, and I recently went to a David Spade/Dennis Miller comedy show.  Oh, who am I kidding - the comedy show was totally great, and I know I'd have fun at a Garth Brooks concert.  So pretty much, Milton has asked nothing of me so far.  
4. He goes to church with me, and doesn't make it seem like a chore. 
5. He is incredibly protective of me, but not at all in a weird, possessive way.  Case in point, we were at the hardcore concert in this super terrible part of OKC.  I knew Milton would need to leave a little early due to a road trip with his family the next day.  I had made arrangements with another friend at the concert to take me home after we were done with our post-show hanging out at whatever late night pancake house we landed at.  Around 11, we were still at the concert.  I told Milton to head out whenever he needed to because my girlfriend would take me home.  I forget his exact words, but he said something to the effect of, "I'm not leaving you here.  I'll take you wherever you and your friends are going after this, and then I will leave you there in a safe, well-lit establishment."  The degree to which he cared about me not getting stabbed was really sweet. 
6. He doesn't just care about my safety, he also cares about my comfort.  He's figured out that I'm always cold, and goes to great lengths to make sure I'm comfortable.  At the last few movies we've seen together, he's held both of my hands to ward off frostbite.  The other night at the comedy show, he carried his coat around the casino/venue (which he never wears a coat), because I didn't want my coat to smell like smoke.  He knew I would get cold at different points throughout the evening, and he was right.  We complete each other - I'm an ice-cube and he's a human heater. 
7. I trust him.  The comedy show was 2+ hours away from OKC.  We knew we'd be getting back super late.  I slept the whole way home. That's definitely not something I could do with someone I didn't trust.    
8. He likes everything I cook, and he's even willing to eat leftovers.  Need I say more?
9. He makes my life easier.  The other night, we were supposed to just hang out, watch a movie, and eat some leftover turkey chili.  Pretty epic night if you ask me.  He asked if there was anything he could bring besides a movie for us to watch.  I told him I wouldn't say no to a beer. When he came in the house he had brought a movie, a 6-pack, and a case of bottled water because he'd noticed earlier in the week that I was getting low.  Better than a bouquet of flowers.  
10. He thinks I'm beautiful.  Even when I'm in pajamas with my hair messed up and no make-up. It's vain, but it's important.  The other night he texted unexpectedly that he was going to swing by to see me for a few minutes.  I warned him that I was already wound down for the evening, and I looked pretty rough.  His response, "not possible."
11. He's pretty cute too, especially when he's excited about something. 
12. He cracks himself up sometimes, which cracks me up too.  He has this great, full-body laugh that just makes you want to laugh with him. 
13. He listens to everything I say.  I'm ashamed to say he listens way better than I do.  And, more importantly, he tries to understand when I explain a weird facet of my personality that makes me hard to date.  For example, the other night, I explained a little more about my extreme introverted personality and how I need days off after being around people for too long.  So today, without making me ask, he gave me a day off to lounge in my pajamas and binge watch Downton Abbey while knitting in front of the fire.  It was great!  And exactly what I needed to gear up for another week. 

As I said, this list is in no way complete - it's really just a compilation of the things that I'm thinking about tonight.  I can't imagine what Milton's list would have to say about me.  It's times like this I'm really glad I'm not dating a guy who writes a public blog. 

Why can't everyone just be normal?

So I was all set to shut down the blog - I even sort of told Milton I would be doing just that.  But something in me just can't let it go.  What can I say, I'm incredibly stubborn...something I'm sure Milton is well on his way to figuring out.  That being said, I'm still experimenting with the tone and style of the blog going forward.  I definitely won't be posting as often, and I can't guarantee humor, unless of course you find my whole life to be one big joke.  It certainly feels that way at times.

So, let's see, where to begin...

I still have a boyfriend!  No one is more surprised by this than me.  Milton and I have been seeing each other for 3 weeks and 5 days, but it's not like I'm keeping track.  That would be weird.  We've been on 12 dates (and yes, I'm counting the times we just watch TV at my house), and we've had 0 fights.  Basically our relationship is like one of those newborns that inexplicably sleeps through the night, so you just tiptoe through the house not wanting to make any sudden sounds that might ruin the magic.

We've slowly started incorporating each other into our everyday lives.  It's one thing to date in a vacuum of just the two of us.  It's a whole other thing to start introducing someone to the parts of your life that make up who you are.  The first of these experiences was going to watch Milton play tennis at one of his leagues.  I've been a fan of professional tennis for years.  I even took lessons for about 4 months a few years ago, thinking that all those years of watching Grand Slams from my recliner would translate into aces and forehand winners.  It didn't.  The quality of the play was slightly under that of say, Wimbledon, but it was great to watch Milton do something he enjoys so much.  It was also the first time I heard Milton introduce me to someone as his girlfriend.  That didn't suck either.

This past weekend, I took Milton with me to church.  He's long been a church goer, but it was his first time to attend my church.  There's a phenomenon among all churches that I like to call you've-gone-here-for-years-but-now-that-you've-brought-a-guest-we're-going-to-change-how-we-do-everything-for-one-week-just-to-screw-with-you-itus.  You can call it Schizo-Service for short. Any time I take a visitor to church, and I mean any time, it's like the whole team of church leaders conspire with the congregation to totally change the look, feel, and message of the church just to make sure that the hip, happening place you promised your guest is now square, awkward, and drenched in good old Bible-Belt bigotry.  If your church normally has a preacher, you'll find they've switched to puppet ministry.  If your church prays silently during communion, they'll decide to make everyone take a turn at the mic as they pass around a bottle of wine and some Twinkies.

Case in point, I took a Chinese exchange student to my church in Tulsa one time, and I swear, the word "blood" was uttered no less than 100 times during the service.  The whole worship service and message I heard blood of Christ this and lamb's blood that.  I knew what they were talking about, and yet I was still looking around for someone to start the animal sacrifices.  I can't imagine what someone raised in Communist China thought of all that.  Needless to say, it was a quiet ride home.

So I knew going in that this was going to be rough.  I was just crossing my fingers that the sermon wouldn't be about porn addiction or gay marriage.  My prayer was that everyone could just be normal. Unfortunately, Schizo-Service is a force of nature, not to be trifled with.  When we pulled into the parking lot, there was a full-on carnival underway.  Kids were running all over the place in Halloween costumes - I had totally forgotten my church's love of all things pagan.  Instead of the typical rock concert awesomeness that is our worship service, the team decided to slow things down a bit with an acoustic set of all ballads.  To top things off, the preacher had the audacity to be visiting another church, so we had a guest speaker.  On the plus side, nobody spoke in tongues or asked Milton for money.

That could have been enough firsts for one day, but I ended up meeting Milton's mother, step-father, and sister later that afternoon.  I was a bit nervous about this for some reason.  I guess I just didn't quite know what to expect having never been brought home to meet someone's family.  I really liked everyone.  His family seems to genuinely get along, which is such a rare thing these days.  His sister's dog gave her seal of approval by promptly throwing up.  I'm going to take that as a compliment - she was so excited about me, she just couldn't hold it all in.  I'm happy to report that I didn't do anything to embarrass myself (I mean, I didn't throw up or anything).  I didn't feel as "on" or myself as I would have liked, but hopefully there will be opportunities for me to hang out with them again, and they can see what I'm really like.  It's probably best to ease in anyway.  After all, I'm an acquired taste.

We ended the afternoon cuddled on my couch, Milton watching football and me reading my Kindle.  If this is being in a relationship, I think I could get used to it.




P.S. I'm getting my hair done on Friday.  When I made the appointment, I realized I hadn't gotten my hair done since before my date with Geek-Squad, which as you'll all recall was my first date from the online dating site.  It just shocked me to see how much my life had changed in the blink of time between haircuts. To quote Ferris Bueller:  "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

How u doin'...and other opening messages that don't work.

Well, it's been about a week since Milton asked me to go steady, and we've already survived my first freak-out.  More on that later, but first I'd like to provide a little insight into the messaging side of online dating now that I've had a few days to ruminate on the matter.

The first impression is always the most important.  It doesn't have to be perfect.  Certainly, a bad first impression can blossom into a wonderful relationship, but there are some things one just can't recover from.  For example, a guy who walks up to me at a bar will have a hard time getting anywhere if he opens with how much he'd like to "remove that stick up my ass and make me smile."  And yes, that actually happened many years ago.  I told him exactly what I'd do with that stick if removed. Needless to say, he wanted it to stay put.

In online dating your interactions are taking place through a screen, so if anything, you should be more careful in how you craft your opening line.  In theory, you've had time to review the profile of the person you want to contact and have been able to come up with something personalized and meaningful.  In theory.  In practice, boys apparently spend about 3 seconds deciding what form of "please have my babies" would be most charming before hitting send.

Based solely on my experience as a girl and a former online dater, I'd like to give you all a little advice about how to craft that perfect opening message.

Here's what doesn't work:

• Any mention of a girls face or body in the opening sentence - This happens so much more than I'm comfortable with.  I got a lot of messages on the site over the last month.  The majority of the messages that I chose not to respond to contained some mention of how beautiful I was in the first sentence. Some people might be okay with this, but I believe if your goal is to find an actual relationship and not just a hook-up, steer clear of the boys who focus purely on the physical.  And in that vein...
• Any requests to be their baby mama - This was less frequent, but still an issue.  I appreciate that these guys at least read my profile enough to know that I'd like to have kids someday, but it's presumptuous of them to think I'd like to have their children. 
• One word openers like "hi" or "hey" - If you can't be bothered to write at least one full sentence, then I can't be bothered to respond. Short, pointless messages are a clear sign that a guy is sending messages to every girl he's matched with on the site.  He's just after critical mass, and sending out one-word messages is the only efficient way to reach all the ladies.
• Saying, "I really liked your profile," and then not saying anything else - It's totally fine if this sentence is wrapped in with a few others that are more personal.  But saying only that you liked someone's profile is like saying, "Hi, I'm captain obvious, it's nice to meet you."  Clearly you liked my profile, because you're messaging me.  How about telling what it was about my profile that you liked.
• Straight up giving me your phone number and asking me to text you - Way too fast!
• Writing a reasonably long message that is so full of grammar mistakes that it's not readable - I had one like this, and I've almost decided that it had to be a joke.  The alternative is just too sad.  Hooked on phonics, buddy.  It's a thing.

Here's what does work:

• Pretty much anything that shows you actually read the other person's profile - If you want to message them, there must be something about their profile that caught your eye.  Was it a shared favorite movie or food, a common hobby, or love of the same city?  Whatever it was, use that as a jumping off point to start a conversation.  Some of this starts with how you write your own profile.  For example, I tried to infuse enough personality in my own by mentioning my hatred of Miley Cyrus and my love of grocery store flowers.  The better messages I received used those little tidbits of information as the starting point for their message.  It immediately showed me that they had read my profile and picked up on something that was important to me.
• Old Ginger Spice - As you'll recall, he defended the contributions of Miley Cyrus.
• TaxMan - Even though he didn't want to exchange more than a few messages, he piqued my interest with his clever acknowledgment of my use of bulleted lists.  
• Milton - He mentioned our shared love of the movie Office Space in his opening message, and spoiler alert, that sort of worked out. 
• Make sure your message is more than one sentence but less than 20 - I'm not exactly sure where the sweet spot is, but one sentence is not nearly invested enough, while a full chapter may invoke panic on the part of the reader.  They need to know you're interested, not that you're a stalker.

Today's Updates

• So I mentioned my freak-out.  I'm sure you all could see what was happening based on my last post.  Milton certainly cracked that code with minimal effort.  I felt like I'd already talked to him about it before posting, but apparently I hadn't really gone into enough detail in person.  I have to say, that's one of the things I really like about him - he doesn't let me get away with anything.  He's not afraid to have a difficult discussion, and he definitely listens to any concerns I have without making me feel stupid. 
• I'm happy to report, I'm no longer freaking-out.  I spent pretty much all day Friday and Saturday with Milton, and it was so great!  We have so much fun whether we're doing something or nothing.  I'm enjoying all the butterflies that come from spending time with him. This truly is the fun part!
• I survived, or rather Milton survived, meeting my sister and brother-in-law.  They're both so important to me.  If they hadn't liked Milton, that would have made things really difficult. Luckily, they both really liked him.  Next up, I will be meeting Milton's mother.  I'm happy about this, but of course, it comes with the normal amount of anxiety.  But it's safe to say, the woman who raised Milton has to be amazing. 

In other news, I finally got Milton's permission to share his picture on the blog.  This is a big day for all of us!

Well he's still a little shy, but don't I look happy?

And now, for my next trick...

This marks the first post after Milton and I had our big DTR (define the relationship) discussion, meaning this is the first post where I know he might be reading.  That's pretty much the reason it's taken me 4 days to revisit the blog.  I had a lot of things to consider:

Did it even make sense to try and continue writing?

Would Milton be able to handle having part of his life analyzed and documented for my readers?

Could I write in an honest and authentic way if I knew he was reading it?

Would anyone care to read the blog if I was suddenly happy instead of surly?

I'm not sure I've been able to answer all of those questions, so for now this is going to be a bit of an experiment.  I talked with Milton at length about continuing to write the blog, and he seems to think it will be okay as long as I don't divulge his darkest secrets to the world.  To be fair, he hasn't told me any dark secrets, and he probably won't since I sort of write a public blog about our relationship. Also, this "at length" discussion was only "at length" for a boy - I basically kept asking him if he was okay with it, and he just kept saying yes without expounding for hours upon hours like any decent girl would have done.  Boys....

I'm going to endeavor to write about what I'm feeling with the same truth and sarcasm as I've been doing so far.  Trust me, if it doesn't work, we'll all know it because the posts will suck.  I will probably not be writing date diaries for every date I have with Milton.  That would be exhausting, and frankly, there's only so many times you can read about two people eating dinner and watching TV before you start to look for a razor blade.  I may make exceptions for extra special occasions.

I already warned Milton that he can't text or say really sweet things to me if his only motivation is to be talked about positively on the blog.  I'm on to you, mister.  Nobody is that sweet all the time.

For my part, I do not want the blog to become a substitute for talking to Milton about what I'm feeling.  I can't use the blog to passive aggressively send him messages, as much as I might want to. For example, it would be super inappropriate to write a post about how all I've ever wanted was a French bulldog puppy and that I would be so happy if someone would get me one.  That just wouldn't be right.  I've decided my personal rule will be that I cannot write about an issue, concern, or feeling that I'm having in the relationship if I haven't already had a discussion about it with Milton.  Fair enough?  By the way, I can totally see a point in the not-to-distant future where Milton begs me to blog about my feelings instead of talking to him about it.

Okay, enough of the heavy....

So my last day on the site, I got winked at by a 65-year-old and messaged by a 20-year-old.  It was kind of a nice bookend for my last day of online dating, although I did not find either contact to be flattering.  Both experiences were super creepy, and I feel that neither should be legal for obvious reasons.  Ironically, my response to both guys is the same - I'm not interested in changing diapers.


Today's Updates

• The other day a friend sent me this article about how to date a girl who's been alone for a really long time.  Milton and I had just started dating so I wasn't even reading it with him in mind, but as we got more serious, it was apparent to me that the article was spot on for some of the emotions I've been having.  I mentioned it to Milton the night he asked me to go steady.  I thought about doing a whole post about it, but I'd rather just provide the link and say, "yup, that about sums me up."  Consequently, one of the first comments on the article says, "What a good way to justify being a bitch and crazy."  #truthbomb.
• Apparently Milton told his mother about me today.  He gave me a brief rundown of what he told her, and I just hope I can live up to the hype.  He did not tell her about the blog.  That's probably wise.
• This whole having a boyfriend thing is super weird.  I've been single for so long that I really didn't know what I was getting myself into in starting a relationship.  I talked to Milton about this last night, and he didn't run screaming from the house, so I think he understood where I was coming from.  My personal struggle stems from a few things - 1) I'm very independent, so I'm just not used to having a guy who wants to spend time with me and talk about random stuff from my day.  I'm not used to all the attention; 2) That also means I'm not used to having someone that I want to spend time with and talk to about random stuff; 3) I'm more of an analytical personality, so I tend to, you know, analyze stuff to an absurd degree - For the first time in my life I'm actually jealous of the kind of free-spirited Birkenstock wearing hippie chicks who can just go with the flow and have fun; 4) I'm not sure I make a very good girlfriend.  Milton is so much kinder than me, in pretty much every way.  I'm not sure how he can stand me; 5) I don't want to get hurt.  Who does, right?
• A friend offered me the following analogy for how men and women approach relationships: Women are like elephants and men are like mice.  I was inclined to quit listening after he compared women to elephants, but he urged me to hear him out.  Basically, there's no way the mouse can hurt the elephant, but the elephant is terrified of the mouse.  This analogy was supposed to make me feel better about having all these conflicting emotions that come with a new relationship, but I'm too busy being afraid of the mouse to see the up-side.

He likes me, he really likes me - Date Diary #9

There comes a time in every girl's life where she does the thing she's been worried about doing since she was a little girl.  That's right, I cooked dinner for a boy.  Milton texted me on Saturday and wanted to know if I'd be up for renting a movie some night this week.  Due to our crazy schedules, that night ended up being tonight.  It seemed simple enough, but what started out as a quiet evening ended up having a pretty epic conclusion.  

Pre-Game

When Milton suggested a night in, I offered to make dinner.  It only occurred to me later that I'm not really that much of a cook.  I mean, there's a big difference between what I'm willing to eat and what I'd be willing to serve someone else.  I knew I couldn't go with my recent specialty of a baked potato with cottage cheese, so I came up with a menu that I felt would be somewhat palatable.  I made crock-pot lasagna, roasted squash, and pumpkin muffins.  I started cooking early in the afternoon, and managed to only give myself one scar as a souvenir, so I'll call that a success.  

Aside from that lovely brand from the oven rack, here's how I looked for my date:

The Date

So, I think I was more nervous for this date than any of our previous dates because A) I thought he might kiss me and B) he had to eat my cooking.  My nervousness was split about 50/50 for both those things.  When he got to my house, the conversation was a little awkward, and that's totally my fault. It was just different having a guy in my house; it's not something I have much experience with. It took me a while to find my groove.  Luckily, he brought a six-pack with him.  My groove is always easier to find with alcohol.  

We ate dinner on the couch.  He made the requisite yummy noises, so it seemed like dinner was a hit. We relaxed a little and chatted about nothing in particular, but it was easy and natural.  Finally we started watching the movie.  In an earlier conversation he had been horrified that I'd never seen Super Troopers, so obviously we had to fix that, like right meow.   

The movie allowed us to cross the touch barrier in a somewhat natural way.  We cuddled a little during the movie.  From the beginning, I've found Milton to be incredibly easy to be around, and tonight was no exception.  The movie was fine - not nearly as funny as, say, Office Space, but it held it's own as a broad comedy.  

After the movie, we sat cuddled on the couch and just talked.  About the time he popped his 3rd beer, I knew something was up.  He finally moved the conversation to what he called a "serious topic."  As is my role in these situations, I proceeded to make a series of well-timed jokes to prolong the uncomfortableness.  Milton wrestled back control of the situation and told me, somewhat timidly but with a lot of sincerity, that he liked me.  I could have made him sweat a little, but I figured after eating my lasagna and listening to my jokes, he'd suffered enough.  I told him I liked him too.  And then he said he didn't want to date anybody else, and I agreed - I don't want him dating anybody else either.  I acknowledged it was only fair if I stop dating other people too, but honestly, I haven't been talking to or seeing anyone else for a week now.   

Then a little voice said, "tell him about the blog."  I tried to shut-it up with another pumpkin muffin, but it wouldn't be silenced.  So, I told him.  I figured if we were going to be exclusive, he deserved the whole truth about this project.  His reaction was fine; I don't think he really cared, but I'm sure he's interested to read it.  I'm not sure he loved his nickname, but we both know it was a good fit.  I told him since I was planning to keep writing it, it didn't feel right to keep it a secret.  I sent him the link, so we'll see if he's still fine with it tomorrow.  

Then, after all that, he kissed me.  It was sweet and simple.  And it was perfect.  It's also the most action my sofa has ever seen.  

The Good

• Who doesn't love being told someone likes them?  It's like the best feeling ever.  It's so hard to admit that to someone, but when it's mutual, it's just so perfect.  I appreciate so much that Milton had the guts to start that conversation.  He's definitely pursued me since we first met. That gumption is something that's missing in so many guys, and I feel incredibly lucky to have found it. 
• Our entire dating relationship thus far has been so easy.  I told him tonight that this felt like one of those really rare situations where we both knew, without talking about it, that we were having a good time.  After we had our serious talk, it was like a wall came down and we were able to really be ourselves.  We've always been able to talk easily, but this felt totally different. I'm really excited to spend more time with him on this side of things where we can both breathe a little easier. 
• He pointed out that he missed half a Dallas Cowboys football game to come hang out with me. And they say romance is dead...
• He had great lips - must be all that chapstick. 

The Bad

• Telling him about the blog was difficult, but I'm relieved to not be keeping a secret. Obviously, until we were exclusive, I didn't feel like I owed him any information about it, but once we crossed that line, it didn't feel right to keep it hidden.  I'm very interested to hear his thoughts about it.  A part of me thinks his initial reaction was so calm because he doesn't have a clue what he's in for.  Luckily, he's come off very well on the blog.  Well, all except for that whole Gilmore Girls thing.
• Now that I know he's reading the blog, I'm having a hard time not censoring myself.  Oh, who am I kidding, I've never had trouble being blunt.   

The Ugly

• Zip, zilch, nada....

Today's Updates

• As of about 20 minutes ago, I am no longer online dating!  I hid my profile.  Nobody is more surprised about this than me.  Look for my new self-help book to hit shelves next fall - Online Dating for Beginners: How to Find a Guy in 9 Dates or Less.  Mini celebration in honor of me!!!  Woo-hoo!!!
• The next time we can see each other is Wednesday, because this is just a busy week for me. Not sure what we're doing yet, but I'm not sure it matters. I just want to spend more time getting to know him.  
• Even though I'm not actively online dating, I'm still going to write this blog, at least until Milton shuts me down.  I've got plenty of online dating fodder to get through, plus now I can share all my awkward relationship stories.  I can promise there will be plenty to choose from. First up, Milton is meeting my sister on Friday.  Serenity Now!

Hey, no pressure, but would you please kiss me and meet my sister? - Date Diary #8

I'm not sure if it's the rain or just the exhaustion from having so many dates, but today I'm enjoying a well deserved pajama day at home. This is just the sort of lazy, unproductive activity I'd like to keep any potential suitors from knowing about until long after they've fallen for me.  Agoraphobia, even in its mildest form, is not particularly attractive.

I've been meaning to write this post all day, but between my hectic schedule of catching up on Netflix and taking naps, I just couldn't find the time.  After receiving the 8th text where someone wanted to know how the date had gone, I figured I owed my readers a little something in the way of a date diary.  So here you go...

Pre-Game

Something strange is happening as Milton and I go out on more dates.  This was our 4th date in 9 days, but instead of feeling more comfortable, I'm getting a little more nervous each time. It's not the bad kind of nerves that come from knowing you're about to start a really long evening.  What I'm experiencing are the nerves that come from having a stake in something.  I'm starting to like him, so I know there's risk involved now, and while I'm trying to learn more about him, I'm also trying to make sure he learns the best about me.  It's way more stressful than I would have thought. 

I was having a hard time figuring out what to wear.  I still don't have that many options, and since we've gone out so much already, he's already seen most of my stock.  Luckily, it turned cold this weekend, so I was able to pull out a new sweater that I bought a few months back.  Between the new sweater and my very skinny jeans, I have never felt tinier....except of course when I'm actually standing next to Milton.  

Here's how I looked for my date:

Unfortunately, Milton knocked on my door right after I took this picture.  I jumped as if I'd been caught snorting a line of cocaine.  Taking selfies is just the sort of thing I wouldn't want him knowing about this early in our...well, I'd use the word relationship, but I don't really know what we are yet.  At any rate, I don't have the picture of what I'm feeling like on the inside - just know I was feeling a little nervous, but the good kind.

The Date

Every time I answer the door for a date with Milton, I'm surprised by how tall he is.  It's like when we don't see each other for a few days, my brain forgets.  This is the part where good spatial reasoning skills would be helpful.  I know I will get used to this, but it's still something I think about on a fairly regular basis.  And tall girls everywhere are rolling their eyes thinking, "all I ever wanted was a tall guy, so stop your whining."  I know, I know, champagne problems. 

Milton took me to Mama Rojas and then to see a movie. In his defense, he had planned something else - we were supposed to go to a comedy club - but then he couldn't get tickets to the right show or something so he mentioned that we'd do that next week.  I didn't think much of it, but several guys have now told me that's what a guy does when he likes a girl - get her on the hook for a future date before you've even gone on the date you've got planned.  I can't imagine that guys are that complicated and scheming, so I'm not going to read too much into it.  The conversation in the car was pretty good.   I think we're definitely getting better at finding our groove from the beginning of a date. 

The restaurant was incredibly loud, but I think that always helps things to not be so awkward if there's a lull in conversation.  This was the second dinner date where I ordered a beer and he didn't. He doesn't seem to mind that I ordered one, but it's still weird to drink alone.  Makes me feel like a bit of a lush, but I simply can't eat Mexican food without a Dos Equis.  Conversation throughout dinner was good.  I'm amazed sometimes at our ability to talk about nothing.  By that, I mean that the topics we cover aren't necessarily always deep and meaningful, but we somehow manage to make a conversation out of it anyway.  

Milton had already gotten our tickets to the movie since we were going to the theater at Penn Square Mall with the recliner seats.  I really like how he thinks about things in advance, whether it's changing the radio station in his car before he picks me up or making sure we aren't sitting in the front row of a movie.  We had a lot of time before our movie, so when we got to the theater, they weren't even seating for our showing yet.  We decided to walk the mall a little, which was good. It gave us more time to talk without having to stare each other down across a dinner.  We talked more about our jobs and families.  I'm still impressed by his interest in my life.  After going out with so many boys who could only talk about themselves, it's so nice to spend time with a guy who sincerely wants to know what makes you tick.  Of course, once he really figures me out, he may wish he'd asked fewer questions. Here's the part where it sucks to be vulnerable.  

The Good

• He opened my car door every time!  I've made it my personal mission to really make boys understand how important this is, so I'm going to make a big deal about it every time. 
• He paid for everything, obviously, which I really appreciate.  I'm getting a little uncomfortable about this and I'd like to offer to pay, but it's so awkward and I don't want to emasculate him. I'd love some advice on this, so leave me some comment love.
• He had an umbrella since it was supposed to rain.  When we got to the theater, it was raining enough to use it.  He came over to my side of the car to get me so I wouldn't get wet.  He's so much taller than me, that there was no reasonable way for us both to be under it, but he said, "I don't mind getting wet, I'll just make sure you're covered."  So. Sweet.
• The movie ended up being really good, and bonus, there was no Fifty Shades preview to endure.  
• I commented on a girl a few rows ahead who was clearly taking a selfie, and Milton said he'd actually never taken a single selfie in his life.  Score.
• I had a really good time.  I'm not sure what we are or where we're going, but I know I'm having fun spending time with him.  I'm attracted to something about him that I'm not even sure I can articulate.  It's such a welcome feeling after being so confused about that other nice guy I dated. 

The Bad

• We sat in recliners at the movie theater, so we were basically laying side by side for two and a half hours.  It made it a little awkward to talk before and during the movie since we were both essentially horizontal.  
• He never held my hand either during our walk around the mall or during the movie.  I thought he might try to, but I guess he's just really shy about these things.  I thought about just grabbing his hand, but if I'm being honest, I'm pretty chicken shit myself.  
• The recliners in the theater are made of pleather, so every time someone moves or adjusts their seat, they sound as if they're having some kind of digestive problem.  I laughed internally - I don't want Milton thinking I have the sense of humor of your average 4th grader.  
• The end of the date was a little awkward.  He walked me to my door.  All night I'd been expecting him to kiss me at the end of the date, but he hesitated.  Maybe I should have just stood there and made him make a move, but we ended up hugging again.  It was longer and somehow sweeter than our previous hug, so I still feel like we made progress.  I'm not trying to rush things, but I am getting to the point where I'd like him to kiss me, just to see how I feel about it. By the way, I've started thinking the world is horribly confused about this first kiss situation.  Leaving it until the end of the date is terrible - it's too much pressure. You should really kiss at the beginning of the date, then it's done, and you don't have it hanging over your head all night.

The Ugly

• I created a small mess during dinner when I poured my beer into the salted mug.  I always forget that when the beer hits the salt it creates a mild volcano.  Party foul; My bad. 
• He admitted during dinner that he actually likes Gilmore Girls.  I've got major problems with this, which he now knows all about, because it's not like I ever keep my opinions to myself.  

Today's Updates

• Milton said at the end of the date that he'd plan something for us next week, so I guess we're going out again.  It cracks me up that he doesn't even really ask anymore, but I sort of understand why.  This is one of those rare situations where two people are in sync and just know they're both having a good time. 
• I have a bit of a conundrum.  My sister and her husband are coming to visit me next weekend. They don't visit that often, so I'd sort of like them to meet Milton, but that seems super fast.  I think we could keep it casual with lunch on Friday or something.  I can rationalize this whole thing by making the argument that it's really more like meeting my best friend than a member of my family, since that's really what my sister is.  I think I've decided to just invite him to lunch but be totally okay with whatever he decides.  I'd still love to know what you think in the comments.  
• After having a drought of site activity, this weekend I've gotten some likes, winks, and messages from some new fellas.  At this point, things are going so well with Milton that I'm closer to hiding my profile than I am to responding, but you'll be happy to know that some of these guys will be making appearances in future "between the lies" posts.  

What the fap!

While drinking with a few co-workers at a happy hour today, I received several enthusiastic compliments about the blog.  If there's one thing I know, it's that drunk boys mean it when they tell you they love you, or at least when they tell you they love your work.  And just so we're clear, Mr. F, you agreed to invest $10,000+ in turning this blog into a book.  And I've got witnesses.

I have to say, not being active on a dating site after being very active on a dating site is sort of like being on vacation.  Since I'm not "liking" anybody's profiles, I'm not getting any new messages or winks right now.  It's kind of nice just to be an invisible girl again.  I did have one Amber Alert favorite my profile at about 3am, but I'm trying not to think about that.

That being said, boys are still looking at my profile.  How can I tell?  I'm so glad you asked.  You see, my site has this handy little feature where I can see every time a boy clicks on my page.  It's so great for the stalker in me.  I'm sure the guys realize this, or  actually, they probably don't - sometimes boys are dense.  But I know about it, so I'm careful about what profiles I look at, because I don't want to encourage an Amber Alert, just like I don't want to scare off a Normal.  Looking at someone's profile two or three times is flattering.  Double digits starts to feel like this:

What's more concerning is when a guy looks at your profile way after you've already ended your communication with them or it should be clear you're not going to respond to their messages.  This happens a lot.  A. LOT.  At first I thought it was kind of sweet, like maybe I really am just that hard to get over. After talking about it with some friends, boy did I get an education.  Apparently guys who look at your profile when there's no chance of making a connection are often just using your photos for a little.....suddenly I'm very aware that my mother is reading this, so I want to be careful how I phrase this....."alone time."  I'm so sheltered, this had literally not occurred to me.  They never covered this in Saved By the Bell, which is where I get most of my dating advice.  Unless of course, that's what Zack Morris was really doing with that cardboard cutout of Kelly Kapowski.  Say it ain't so, Zack!  Mind. Blown.   

I'm not going to lie; I'm like 2% flattered. What girl doesn't want to know that she can "inspire" someone in that way?  I hope they're keeping it classy with soft lighting and a romantic soundtrack. Mostly though, I'm revolted.  What I can't figure out is what they see in my pictures that's so....."motivating." None of my pictures are scandalous in the least, and I'm not delusional enough to think that my girls are at all impressive.  I mean, the men's magazines aren't exactly racing to put a B-cup broad on the cover.  At some level (like way down deep, buried under the part of me that's horrified), it makes me want to reconsider some of these guys that can "walk their dog" with only my smiling face for company.  I'm running out of euphemisms that don't make me blush.  I suppose it's a victimless crime, except, well, I feel sort of victimized.  I'm tempted to message some of these guys - you know, something like, "Jesus and I know what you're doing."  But I don't want to give them any encouragement, and I have no doubt that for a lot of these guys, negative attention is still considered attention.

So who's guilty of repetitive profile views? Well, Geek Squad for one (that's not awkward or anything) and a few guys I talked to at the beginning that didn't work out for religious reasons.  I like to believe those agnostics have now found religion and are thinking about contacting me again just to talk about Jesus.  Yes, I live in a fantasy land.  Then there are a slew of regulars that I've never responded to, but they look at my profile every few days, when they're needing a little pick-me-up, I'm guessing.  

To all my admirers, I guess I'm here for you.  Also, please stop doing that with my picture. 

Today's Updates

• I'm getting excited for my date with Milton tonight.  This will technically be our 4th date in 9 days.  That seems like a lot, but I guess that's how you get to know someone.  
• I'm starting to like Milton, like for real.  I'm not 100% there yet, but I'm definitely headed down that road.  Now we're approaching the really fun part where I can get hurt if at some point he decides he doesn't like me.  Although, why wouldn't he like me?  I'm delightful.*

* Actually, I'm more of an acquired taste.  I only come in one flavor.  I'd compare it to key lime pie.  Those who love it really  love it, and those who don't, well they can go screw themselves.....kind of like the boys looking at my profile pictures.  

Because sometimes you just can't wait - Date Diary #7.5

Well, my self-imposed break only lasted about 12 hours, because something interesting happened.

I woke up this morning still pissed about the whole Engi-Nerd debacle.  Opinions were split on how I'd handled it - men seemed to think I'd overreacted, while the women I talked to thought I was 100% right.  Sisters before misters.  Am I right, ladies?

I texted with Milton a little this morning.  I was working to find some perspective for the previous night's events.  I decided that the Lord had simply removed all my other boy distractions so I could see where things might go with Milton.  It's hard to get invested in anybody when you're talking to multiple boys at once.  I think it's one of the real pitfalls of online dating.  Now, maybe I wouldn't have that problem.

Around lunch time, I got a text from Milton.  He had asked me earlier that day what I had going on tonight, and I'd told him my plans had gotten canceled, which was true.  Here's how our conversation went:

• Milton:  So just throwing this out there, but I don't have tennis league until 7.  Would you want and/or be able to meet for a light dinner around 6 at maybe Panera or something similar?
• Me:  You think you can stand seeing me twice in one week?
• Milton:  Not sure I can stand waiting until Friday to see you again!

It was by far the sweetest thing any boy has ever said to me.  And with that one text, I felt the first flutter of a butterfly.  

I was horrified by my appearance - coming straight from work, I didn't have time to get all pretty, but I guess it's best to let Milton know early on what he's going to be dealing with.

We had our quick dinner, and it went well.  I'd consider it a half date since it was so fast, but it was great to see him again.  Waiting until Friday might have made us both more nervous.  In this casual setting, we were able to talk more naturally like we did on our coffee date.  I could tell he was still a little nervous, and frankly, after his sweet text this afternoon, so was I.  It was also daylight, so I was able to get a better feel for what he really looks like.  I know that sounds silly, but our dates have all been at night so it's all shadows and mood lighting.  This was my first really good look at him. Survey says........he's cute!  I'm getting used to the height.  There was no end of the date kiss or hug. It would have been a little strange anyway since all of Northwest Expressway would have borne witness to it.  I'm definitely looking forward to seeing him again on Friday. 

No more updates for today.  I'm going back in the cave now until after our date on Friday.  You know, unless something interesting happens again.  I mean, today sure surprised the hell out of me....in the best way. 

And then there was one...

I have some sad news to report.  Engi-Nerd and I will not be getting married and having babies, mostly because we're never going to meet in person.  Our brief but important (at least for the blog) text relationship ended this evening when he completely freaked out over the prospect of going through with our date.  Here's what happened:

The short version - We texted too long before actually meeting.

The long version - He's a prick.

We had been messaging and texting since September 19 - that's basically a lifetime in the online dating universe.  We had been texting every day since we first started communicating on the site.  We usually talk a bit throughout the day, but he always at least texts me good morning and goodnight. Today was no different, I got my good morning text, and I responded.  He was silent the rest of the day, but that's not unusual.  I didn't start to get suspicious until around 8:30 when I still hadn't heard from him.  We supposedly had a date scheduled for tomorrow night, so I figured he'd get with me at some point about the plan.  After all, this is the guy who texted me a list of questions so that he could plan the perfect date.

I finally texted him, just something innocuous - "How was your day?"  He responded with something about how he'd just gotten home from the gym.  I let about 15 minutes pass, and he never texted anything else or mentioned our date.  So like a loser, I asked him if he was still interested in meeting tomorrow. He responded that he was just going to ask me about that (sure you were), then he said, "I'm thinking maybe drinks tomorrow?"

Drinks?  What the hell is he talking about, drinks?

I got a really bad feeling about the whole thing.  I gave myself a few minutes to think through everything, and considered my options - 1) I could meet him for a really awkward pity drink since it's pretty clear he's no longer interested in meeting me, or 2) call him out on his bull-shit and save myself the trouble of being humiliated.  I went with door number 2.  After all, the last time I didn't follow my gut, I ended up getting molested hugged by Miami Vice.

I sent Engi-Nerd the following text: "It's clear you're not as into this as you once were.  Last week you're trying to plan a dinner someplace I haven't been, and this week you want to switch it to drinks. I'm going to follow my gut on this one and say we should probably just be done."

No. Response.

Here's what I should have said:

Yo, Engi-Prick, what's your deal?  Oh wait, I know, you saw Katy Perry shake her ass for all of Dallas and now you can't be satisfied by a normal girl.  Well, your loss.  You see, there's plenty of guys who are happy to take me to dinner.  They don't seem to have a problem following through with the plans they make, but then again, those guys actually want to be in a relationship.  You, on the other hand, are a 36 year-old bachelor and likely to remain so since you're such a freaking coward. Take my advice, next time a girl catches your eye, do her a favor and don't start the conversation where you're all charming and cute. Just be yourself instead - it will save her a lot of time and energy thinking you actually care about getting to know her.  A year from now, when you're 37 and still all alone, don't call me.  My boyfriend won't like it and neither will I.


Today's Updates

• I'm mentally worn out, and not just from the frustrating conclusion to the Engi-Nerd saga.  I think I need to take a few days off from this whole experiment and recharge.  With that in mind, I won't be posting any blogs until after my next date with Milton......unless, of course, something really interesting happens.  I wouldn't leave you guys in the dark like that.  
• Little does Milton know, he's just been granted 1000 bonus points for not being an ass-hole.  See fellas, it really is that easy.

A nervous date with a side of dinner and a movie - Date Diary #7

This has been by far the busiest week my little love life has ever experienced.  I had 3 dates with 2 different guys, and it was not nearly as fun as I imagined it would be. Dating is so exhausting.  The silver lining is, I never have to cook anymore.  Luckily, I only have 2 dates next week, so that should feel more like a vacation.  Now for the details of my second date with Milton. 

Pre-Game

 

I had all day Saturday to be lazy, but instead I ended up going to a co-workers going away party.  It was fun.  I didn't know many people there, but going on all these dates lately gives me lots of good stories to share with strangers - kind of like a live version of the blog.  Sometimes all my ego needs is a fresh audience.  I left the party around 6, which only gave me about a half hour to get ready. 

 

Here's what I looked like - not bad for a 30 minute turnaround (maybe it's bad form to pay myself compliments):

 

Second dates are strange because there's some anxiety about whether the good parts of date one will be magnified or missing in date two.  So, that left me feeling sort of like this:

 

 

You'll notice I sort of recycled my outfit from my date with Miami Vice.  What can I say, if a look works, you work it hard.  In my defense, I had washed it so it wouldn't reek of my last date.

 

The Date

 

Milton was perfectly on-time.  When I answered the door, I was surprised to see him a little overdressed.  He was wearing tan slacks and a nice button-down shirt.  I suddenly felt a little janky in my denim shirt and grandma sweater, but there was nothing I could do about it.  He didn't say a word about the phonebooks rotting on my front porch.  Now I'm thinking I should just leave them there as a test for future suitors.  That would dovetail nicely with my master plan to be super lazy and not throw them out.

 

The conversation when we got in the car was a little forced. This surprised me, because our conversation on date one was so great.  I sensed that Milton was a lot more nervous this time around.  Perhaps he's been burned on so many first dates that he doesn't even get excited about them anymore, but a second date...that's legit.  He changed the radio station once we started driving because he remembered I don't listen to country.  If I had to come up with one word to describe this guy, it would be considerate.  He listens to everything I say and can recall details of those conversations days later.  That's rare, folks.

 

When we got to the restaurant, he had made a reservation so there was no awkward waiting.  By that point, he had warmed up a little, but we still hadn't found our groove.  I should probably recognize my own culpability in this.  After being on so many dates lately and a party earlier that day, the introvert in me could really use a few days of silence.  It's possible I didn't bring my A-game along for the date. 

 

We perused the menu - sushi involves so much reading!  He was a little timid in ordering.  I asked him if he liked sushi, because I had a suspicion he had picked this restaurant just because I had mentioned it was one of my favorites.  He acknowledged that he had picked it for that reason, but that he could eat sushi even though it wasn't particularly his favorite. See what I mean?  Considerate.  We settled on a few rolls and waited for the food.  I had ordered a beer, and he didn't.  He didn't seem to mind that I did, but I still found it a little strange.  Although, I went on a date the other day where the guy asked if I was okay with him having a drink because he was driving, so maybe that was Milton's hesitation as well.  One of the rolls I ordered had eel in it.  I'll admit, this was a bit of a test.  I like eel, but it's not for everybody, and I wanted to see how broad his palate could stretch.  He admitted that it wasn't his favorite, but he certainly ate his half no problem. 

 

Conversation through dinner was much better.  We found some good topics, and I learned a lot more about his family.  He was very cognizant of our time, but not in a weird way.  I'm so used to having to be "in charge" when I'm out with friends, so it was nice to be with a guy who can take the lead on that stuff.  This must be what it feels like to relax.  The movie was good - not great, but not terrible.  I think I was a little too tired for a 9pm flick, but I managed to stay engaged.  The conversation on the ride home seemed forced again, but I feel like we were both tired at that point, and it's just hard to be sociable sometimes in those situations.  I will say, I don't think sitting in silence with this guy would be that awkward.  He's pretty comfortable to be around.  Another rare quality.  

 

 

The Good

• His car was clean and so was his driving.
• He opened my car door for me every time!  Such a big deal, fellas!  Seriously!
• Once we broke the ice a little, the conversation was good.  There's something I like about looking at his face while he talks.  He's so genuine and pleasant.  He makes it very hard not to like him.  I'm still not in the romantic zone, but I'm definitely interested in spending more time with him.
• Listening to him talk about his baby sister was a real treat.  You can tell how much he loves her when he starts talking about her - his eyes light up.  So. Cute.
• He walked me to my door when he took me home.  The end of the date stuff wasn't really that awkward. We both said we'd had fun, and then he said, "Well, I'll give you a hug."  I appreciated that he took charge a little and didn't just leave me wondering what I was supposed to do.  We all know what happens when I'm given a little too much rope.  The hug was okay, not as invasive as the one I got from Miami Vice (thankfully), but definitely less awkward than the one I shared with Old Ginger Spice.  He stood on the sidewalk while I stood on the porch, so it helped even out our height a little.   
• He didn't ask me for another date last night, but he texted me this morning and asked if I'd like to go out again on Friday, so I said yes.  The way he asked was so funny - it wasn't as much of a request as I would have expected.  He said, "My next early day at work is Friday, would that work for you to go out again?"  I don't know what we're doing yet, but I'll just see what he plans.

The Bad

• His chopstick skills need a little work.  He asked the waiter for a fork about half-way through the meal. The waiter gave him the normal condescending eye roll one has come to expect from such establishments and then proceeded to bring a large tray containing a fork resting on a palate of cloth napkin. It was quite a show - basically saying, "Hey look everyone, this newbie wants a fork." That plus the fact that I made a little joke about getting him a kids set made him buckle down and give the regular chopsticks one more try. After stabbing at a piece a few times, he commented, "This is so strange, usually I'm so good with food on a stick."  Deflecting with humor - Point, Milton.   Hope he didn't leave the restaurant too hungry. 
• We did more walking on this date, so I got a chance to see what it feels like to stand next to a guy who is 6'5".  I've never felt more petite. 
• I'm still disappointed that the conversation wasn't better throughout the whole evening, but I think he was more nervous for whatever reason, so I'm going to try not to worry about it for Friday's date. 

The Ugly

• One of the previews for our movie was Fifty Shades of Grey. I cringed internally as soon as it started. I'm not sure why, it's not like we're not both adults. But I think we can all acknowledge that watching pretty people partake in a little BDSM is not what you're looking for on your second date.  After the preview ended, Milton leaned over and whispered, "That's not what I thought that movie was going to be about at all. I thought it was about old people, sort of like Cocoon." I'm 90% sure he wasn't serious, but either way it definitely lightened the mood. 
• He mentioned maybe playing tennis together at some point.  He's a pretty decent player and actually plays in a few leagues.  The only problem is, I play tennis about as well as a two-year-old plays Jenga.  I'd hate for him to see how uncoordinated I am just when things are going so well.  He assured me, he was a patient instructor.  We'll see.

Today's Updates

• I have slowed down my activity on the site until after I go out with Engi-Nerd and see how things progress with Milton.  I just feel like trying to juggle more than that right now would push me over the edge. 
• I've been texting with both Milton and Engi-Nerd off and on all day.  I still feel a little like I'm cheating on both of them, but I know that's not true. 
• I got a text this morning from Miami Vice, so I guess he didn't quite get the hint.  I never responded, so I'm hoping that will put an end to it.  If I get any more texts from him, I'll send him my standard "let's just be friends, with the understanding that we are in no way friends" message.