Just checking in...

Hey there all my dedicated blog readers.  It's so good of you to still care about the fact that I have a boyfriend.  Which I do....he hasn't broken up with me yet, even though I've been myself on no less than 3 occasions.  What can I say, Milton is obviously a keeper.  Need proof?  Here's a totally incomplete list of all the things I like about him.  Warning - I don't want this to come off as fake bragging so you all think my relationship is great when it actually sucks.  You know the kind of people I'm talking about -

So, just so you know, this is a real list.  I'm way too authentic and, frankly, busy to spend time writing a bunch of crap I don't truly believe.

1. He makes a big deal about it when I use emoticons.  He understands that I view emoticons as foolish cartoons made for a generation of idiots who can't convey genuine emotion through words alone.  But, I also understand that he appreciates it when I respond with a blushing smiley face after he says something sweet.  Relationships are about compromise.
2. Speaking of compromise, Milton will pretty much do anything I suggest, even if he doesn't want too.  I haven't fully tested the limits of my power yet, but so far his standard response of "I'm happy to go if you want to" has applied to a hardcore concert in a sketchy part of town, line dancing, and my lame company Christmas party.  Here we are at the concert.  Milton said I could stop censoring his face, but I kind of like the mystery.  It's like I'm dating someone in witness protection.
   
3. For my part, I've agreed to go to a Garth Brooks concert if he can get tickets, and I recently went to a David Spade/Dennis Miller comedy show.  Oh, who am I kidding - the comedy show was totally great, and I know I'd have fun at a Garth Brooks concert.  So pretty much, Milton has asked nothing of me so far.  
4. He goes to church with me, and doesn't make it seem like a chore. 
5. He is incredibly protective of me, but not at all in a weird, possessive way.  Case in point, we were at the hardcore concert in this super terrible part of OKC.  I knew Milton would need to leave a little early due to a road trip with his family the next day.  I had made arrangements with another friend at the concert to take me home after we were done with our post-show hanging out at whatever late night pancake house we landed at.  Around 11, we were still at the concert.  I told Milton to head out whenever he needed to because my girlfriend would take me home.  I forget his exact words, but he said something to the effect of, "I'm not leaving you here.  I'll take you wherever you and your friends are going after this, and then I will leave you there in a safe, well-lit establishment."  The degree to which he cared about me not getting stabbed was really sweet. 
6. He doesn't just care about my safety, he also cares about my comfort.  He's figured out that I'm always cold, and goes to great lengths to make sure I'm comfortable.  At the last few movies we've seen together, he's held both of my hands to ward off frostbite.  The other night at the comedy show, he carried his coat around the casino/venue (which he never wears a coat), because I didn't want my coat to smell like smoke.  He knew I would get cold at different points throughout the evening, and he was right.  We complete each other - I'm an ice-cube and he's a human heater. 
7. I trust him.  The comedy show was 2+ hours away from OKC.  We knew we'd be getting back super late.  I slept the whole way home. That's definitely not something I could do with someone I didn't trust.    
8. He likes everything I cook, and he's even willing to eat leftovers.  Need I say more?
9. He makes my life easier.  The other night, we were supposed to just hang out, watch a movie, and eat some leftover turkey chili.  Pretty epic night if you ask me.  He asked if there was anything he could bring besides a movie for us to watch.  I told him I wouldn't say no to a beer. When he came in the house he had brought a movie, a 6-pack, and a case of bottled water because he'd noticed earlier in the week that I was getting low.  Better than a bouquet of flowers.  
10. He thinks I'm beautiful.  Even when I'm in pajamas with my hair messed up and no make-up. It's vain, but it's important.  The other night he texted unexpectedly that he was going to swing by to see me for a few minutes.  I warned him that I was already wound down for the evening, and I looked pretty rough.  His response, "not possible."
11. He's pretty cute too, especially when he's excited about something. 
12. He cracks himself up sometimes, which cracks me up too.  He has this great, full-body laugh that just makes you want to laugh with him. 
13. He listens to everything I say.  I'm ashamed to say he listens way better than I do.  And, more importantly, he tries to understand when I explain a weird facet of my personality that makes me hard to date.  For example, the other night, I explained a little more about my extreme introverted personality and how I need days off after being around people for too long.  So today, without making me ask, he gave me a day off to lounge in my pajamas and binge watch Downton Abbey while knitting in front of the fire.  It was great!  And exactly what I needed to gear up for another week. 

As I said, this list is in no way complete - it's really just a compilation of the things that I'm thinking about tonight.  I can't imagine what Milton's list would have to say about me.  It's times like this I'm really glad I'm not dating a guy who writes a public blog. 

Why can't everyone just be normal?

So I was all set to shut down the blog - I even sort of told Milton I would be doing just that.  But something in me just can't let it go.  What can I say, I'm incredibly stubborn...something I'm sure Milton is well on his way to figuring out.  That being said, I'm still experimenting with the tone and style of the blog going forward.  I definitely won't be posting as often, and I can't guarantee humor, unless of course you find my whole life to be one big joke.  It certainly feels that way at times.

So, let's see, where to begin...

I still have a boyfriend!  No one is more surprised by this than me.  Milton and I have been seeing each other for 3 weeks and 5 days, but it's not like I'm keeping track.  That would be weird.  We've been on 12 dates (and yes, I'm counting the times we just watch TV at my house), and we've had 0 fights.  Basically our relationship is like one of those newborns that inexplicably sleeps through the night, so you just tiptoe through the house not wanting to make any sudden sounds that might ruin the magic.

We've slowly started incorporating each other into our everyday lives.  It's one thing to date in a vacuum of just the two of us.  It's a whole other thing to start introducing someone to the parts of your life that make up who you are.  The first of these experiences was going to watch Milton play tennis at one of his leagues.  I've been a fan of professional tennis for years.  I even took lessons for about 4 months a few years ago, thinking that all those years of watching Grand Slams from my recliner would translate into aces and forehand winners.  It didn't.  The quality of the play was slightly under that of say, Wimbledon, but it was great to watch Milton do something he enjoys so much.  It was also the first time I heard Milton introduce me to someone as his girlfriend.  That didn't suck either.

This past weekend, I took Milton with me to church.  He's long been a church goer, but it was his first time to attend my church.  There's a phenomenon among all churches that I like to call you've-gone-here-for-years-but-now-that-you've-brought-a-guest-we're-going-to-change-how-we-do-everything-for-one-week-just-to-screw-with-you-itus.  You can call it Schizo-Service for short. Any time I take a visitor to church, and I mean any time, it's like the whole team of church leaders conspire with the congregation to totally change the look, feel, and message of the church just to make sure that the hip, happening place you promised your guest is now square, awkward, and drenched in good old Bible-Belt bigotry.  If your church normally has a preacher, you'll find they've switched to puppet ministry.  If your church prays silently during communion, they'll decide to make everyone take a turn at the mic as they pass around a bottle of wine and some Twinkies.

Case in point, I took a Chinese exchange student to my church in Tulsa one time, and I swear, the word "blood" was uttered no less than 100 times during the service.  The whole worship service and message I heard blood of Christ this and lamb's blood that.  I knew what they were talking about, and yet I was still looking around for someone to start the animal sacrifices.  I can't imagine what someone raised in Communist China thought of all that.  Needless to say, it was a quiet ride home.

So I knew going in that this was going to be rough.  I was just crossing my fingers that the sermon wouldn't be about porn addiction or gay marriage.  My prayer was that everyone could just be normal. Unfortunately, Schizo-Service is a force of nature, not to be trifled with.  When we pulled into the parking lot, there was a full-on carnival underway.  Kids were running all over the place in Halloween costumes - I had totally forgotten my church's love of all things pagan.  Instead of the typical rock concert awesomeness that is our worship service, the team decided to slow things down a bit with an acoustic set of all ballads.  To top things off, the preacher had the audacity to be visiting another church, so we had a guest speaker.  On the plus side, nobody spoke in tongues or asked Milton for money.

That could have been enough firsts for one day, but I ended up meeting Milton's mother, step-father, and sister later that afternoon.  I was a bit nervous about this for some reason.  I guess I just didn't quite know what to expect having never been brought home to meet someone's family.  I really liked everyone.  His family seems to genuinely get along, which is such a rare thing these days.  His sister's dog gave her seal of approval by promptly throwing up.  I'm going to take that as a compliment - she was so excited about me, she just couldn't hold it all in.  I'm happy to report that I didn't do anything to embarrass myself (I mean, I didn't throw up or anything).  I didn't feel as "on" or myself as I would have liked, but hopefully there will be opportunities for me to hang out with them again, and they can see what I'm really like.  It's probably best to ease in anyway.  After all, I'm an acquired taste.

We ended the afternoon cuddled on my couch, Milton watching football and me reading my Kindle.  If this is being in a relationship, I think I could get used to it.




P.S. I'm getting my hair done on Friday.  When I made the appointment, I realized I hadn't gotten my hair done since before my date with Geek-Squad, which as you'll all recall was my first date from the online dating site.  It just shocked me to see how much my life had changed in the blink of time between haircuts. To quote Ferris Bueller:  "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

How u doin'...and other opening messages that don't work.

Well, it's been about a week since Milton asked me to go steady, and we've already survived my first freak-out.  More on that later, but first I'd like to provide a little insight into the messaging side of online dating now that I've had a few days to ruminate on the matter.

The first impression is always the most important.  It doesn't have to be perfect.  Certainly, a bad first impression can blossom into a wonderful relationship, but there are some things one just can't recover from.  For example, a guy who walks up to me at a bar will have a hard time getting anywhere if he opens with how much he'd like to "remove that stick up my ass and make me smile."  And yes, that actually happened many years ago.  I told him exactly what I'd do with that stick if removed. Needless to say, he wanted it to stay put.

In online dating your interactions are taking place through a screen, so if anything, you should be more careful in how you craft your opening line.  In theory, you've had time to review the profile of the person you want to contact and have been able to come up with something personalized and meaningful.  In theory.  In practice, boys apparently spend about 3 seconds deciding what form of "please have my babies" would be most charming before hitting send.

Based solely on my experience as a girl and a former online dater, I'd like to give you all a little advice about how to craft that perfect opening message.

Here's what doesn't work:

• Any mention of a girls face or body in the opening sentence - This happens so much more than I'm comfortable with.  I got a lot of messages on the site over the last month.  The majority of the messages that I chose not to respond to contained some mention of how beautiful I was in the first sentence. Some people might be okay with this, but I believe if your goal is to find an actual relationship and not just a hook-up, steer clear of the boys who focus purely on the physical.  And in that vein...
• Any requests to be their baby mama - This was less frequent, but still an issue.  I appreciate that these guys at least read my profile enough to know that I'd like to have kids someday, but it's presumptuous of them to think I'd like to have their children. 
• One word openers like "hi" or "hey" - If you can't be bothered to write at least one full sentence, then I can't be bothered to respond. Short, pointless messages are a clear sign that a guy is sending messages to every girl he's matched with on the site.  He's just after critical mass, and sending out one-word messages is the only efficient way to reach all the ladies.
• Saying, "I really liked your profile," and then not saying anything else - It's totally fine if this sentence is wrapped in with a few others that are more personal.  But saying only that you liked someone's profile is like saying, "Hi, I'm captain obvious, it's nice to meet you."  Clearly you liked my profile, because you're messaging me.  How about telling what it was about my profile that you liked.
• Straight up giving me your phone number and asking me to text you - Way too fast!
• Writing a reasonably long message that is so full of grammar mistakes that it's not readable - I had one like this, and I've almost decided that it had to be a joke.  The alternative is just too sad.  Hooked on phonics, buddy.  It's a thing.

Here's what does work:

• Pretty much anything that shows you actually read the other person's profile - If you want to message them, there must be something about their profile that caught your eye.  Was it a shared favorite movie or food, a common hobby, or love of the same city?  Whatever it was, use that as a jumping off point to start a conversation.  Some of this starts with how you write your own profile.  For example, I tried to infuse enough personality in my own by mentioning my hatred of Miley Cyrus and my love of grocery store flowers.  The better messages I received used those little tidbits of information as the starting point for their message.  It immediately showed me that they had read my profile and picked up on something that was important to me.
• Old Ginger Spice - As you'll recall, he defended the contributions of Miley Cyrus.
• TaxMan - Even though he didn't want to exchange more than a few messages, he piqued my interest with his clever acknowledgment of my use of bulleted lists.  
• Milton - He mentioned our shared love of the movie Office Space in his opening message, and spoiler alert, that sort of worked out. 
• Make sure your message is more than one sentence but less than 20 - I'm not exactly sure where the sweet spot is, but one sentence is not nearly invested enough, while a full chapter may invoke panic on the part of the reader.  They need to know you're interested, not that you're a stalker.

Today's Updates

• So I mentioned my freak-out.  I'm sure you all could see what was happening based on my last post.  Milton certainly cracked that code with minimal effort.  I felt like I'd already talked to him about it before posting, but apparently I hadn't really gone into enough detail in person.  I have to say, that's one of the things I really like about him - he doesn't let me get away with anything.  He's not afraid to have a difficult discussion, and he definitely listens to any concerns I have without making me feel stupid. 
• I'm happy to report, I'm no longer freaking-out.  I spent pretty much all day Friday and Saturday with Milton, and it was so great!  We have so much fun whether we're doing something or nothing.  I'm enjoying all the butterflies that come from spending time with him. This truly is the fun part!
• I survived, or rather Milton survived, meeting my sister and brother-in-law.  They're both so important to me.  If they hadn't liked Milton, that would have made things really difficult. Luckily, they both really liked him.  Next up, I will be meeting Milton's mother.  I'm happy about this, but of course, it comes with the normal amount of anxiety.  But it's safe to say, the woman who raised Milton has to be amazing. 

In other news, I finally got Milton's permission to share his picture on the blog.  This is a big day for all of us!

Well he's still a little shy, but don't I look happy?

And now, for my next trick...

This marks the first post after Milton and I had our big DTR (define the relationship) discussion, meaning this is the first post where I know he might be reading.  That's pretty much the reason it's taken me 4 days to revisit the blog.  I had a lot of things to consider:

Did it even make sense to try and continue writing?

Would Milton be able to handle having part of his life analyzed and documented for my readers?

Could I write in an honest and authentic way if I knew he was reading it?

Would anyone care to read the blog if I was suddenly happy instead of surly?

I'm not sure I've been able to answer all of those questions, so for now this is going to be a bit of an experiment.  I talked with Milton at length about continuing to write the blog, and he seems to think it will be okay as long as I don't divulge his darkest secrets to the world.  To be fair, he hasn't told me any dark secrets, and he probably won't since I sort of write a public blog about our relationship. Also, this "at length" discussion was only "at length" for a boy - I basically kept asking him if he was okay with it, and he just kept saying yes without expounding for hours upon hours like any decent girl would have done.  Boys....

I'm going to endeavor to write about what I'm feeling with the same truth and sarcasm as I've been doing so far.  Trust me, if it doesn't work, we'll all know it because the posts will suck.  I will probably not be writing date diaries for every date I have with Milton.  That would be exhausting, and frankly, there's only so many times you can read about two people eating dinner and watching TV before you start to look for a razor blade.  I may make exceptions for extra special occasions.

I already warned Milton that he can't text or say really sweet things to me if his only motivation is to be talked about positively on the blog.  I'm on to you, mister.  Nobody is that sweet all the time.

For my part, I do not want the blog to become a substitute for talking to Milton about what I'm feeling.  I can't use the blog to passive aggressively send him messages, as much as I might want to. For example, it would be super inappropriate to write a post about how all I've ever wanted was a French bulldog puppy and that I would be so happy if someone would get me one.  That just wouldn't be right.  I've decided my personal rule will be that I cannot write about an issue, concern, or feeling that I'm having in the relationship if I haven't already had a discussion about it with Milton.  Fair enough?  By the way, I can totally see a point in the not-to-distant future where Milton begs me to blog about my feelings instead of talking to him about it.

Okay, enough of the heavy....

So my last day on the site, I got winked at by a 65-year-old and messaged by a 20-year-old.  It was kind of a nice bookend for my last day of online dating, although I did not find either contact to be flattering.  Both experiences were super creepy, and I feel that neither should be legal for obvious reasons.  Ironically, my response to both guys is the same - I'm not interested in changing diapers.


Today's Updates

• The other day a friend sent me this article about how to date a girl who's been alone for a really long time.  Milton and I had just started dating so I wasn't even reading it with him in mind, but as we got more serious, it was apparent to me that the article was spot on for some of the emotions I've been having.  I mentioned it to Milton the night he asked me to go steady.  I thought about doing a whole post about it, but I'd rather just provide the link and say, "yup, that about sums me up."  Consequently, one of the first comments on the article says, "What a good way to justify being a bitch and crazy."  #truthbomb.
• Apparently Milton told his mother about me today.  He gave me a brief rundown of what he told her, and I just hope I can live up to the hype.  He did not tell her about the blog.  That's probably wise.
• This whole having a boyfriend thing is super weird.  I've been single for so long that I really didn't know what I was getting myself into in starting a relationship.  I talked to Milton about this last night, and he didn't run screaming from the house, so I think he understood where I was coming from.  My personal struggle stems from a few things - 1) I'm very independent, so I'm just not used to having a guy who wants to spend time with me and talk about random stuff from my day.  I'm not used to all the attention; 2) That also means I'm not used to having someone that I want to spend time with and talk to about random stuff; 3) I'm more of an analytical personality, so I tend to, you know, analyze stuff to an absurd degree - For the first time in my life I'm actually jealous of the kind of free-spirited Birkenstock wearing hippie chicks who can just go with the flow and have fun; 4) I'm not sure I make a very good girlfriend.  Milton is so much kinder than me, in pretty much every way.  I'm not sure how he can stand me; 5) I don't want to get hurt.  Who does, right?
• A friend offered me the following analogy for how men and women approach relationships: Women are like elephants and men are like mice.  I was inclined to quit listening after he compared women to elephants, but he urged me to hear him out.  Basically, there's no way the mouse can hurt the elephant, but the elephant is terrified of the mouse.  This analogy was supposed to make me feel better about having all these conflicting emotions that come with a new relationship, but I'm too busy being afraid of the mouse to see the up-side.

He likes me, he really likes me - Date Diary #9

There comes a time in every girl's life where she does the thing she's been worried about doing since she was a little girl.  That's right, I cooked dinner for a boy.  Milton texted me on Saturday and wanted to know if I'd be up for renting a movie some night this week.  Due to our crazy schedules, that night ended up being tonight.  It seemed simple enough, but what started out as a quiet evening ended up having a pretty epic conclusion.  

Pre-Game

When Milton suggested a night in, I offered to make dinner.  It only occurred to me later that I'm not really that much of a cook.  I mean, there's a big difference between what I'm willing to eat and what I'd be willing to serve someone else.  I knew I couldn't go with my recent specialty of a baked potato with cottage cheese, so I came up with a menu that I felt would be somewhat palatable.  I made crock-pot lasagna, roasted squash, and pumpkin muffins.  I started cooking early in the afternoon, and managed to only give myself one scar as a souvenir, so I'll call that a success.  

Aside from that lovely brand from the oven rack, here's how I looked for my date:

The Date

So, I think I was more nervous for this date than any of our previous dates because A) I thought he might kiss me and B) he had to eat my cooking.  My nervousness was split about 50/50 for both those things.  When he got to my house, the conversation was a little awkward, and that's totally my fault. It was just different having a guy in my house; it's not something I have much experience with. It took me a while to find my groove.  Luckily, he brought a six-pack with him.  My groove is always easier to find with alcohol.  

We ate dinner on the couch.  He made the requisite yummy noises, so it seemed like dinner was a hit. We relaxed a little and chatted about nothing in particular, but it was easy and natural.  Finally we started watching the movie.  In an earlier conversation he had been horrified that I'd never seen Super Troopers, so obviously we had to fix that, like right meow.   

The movie allowed us to cross the touch barrier in a somewhat natural way.  We cuddled a little during the movie.  From the beginning, I've found Milton to be incredibly easy to be around, and tonight was no exception.  The movie was fine - not nearly as funny as, say, Office Space, but it held it's own as a broad comedy.  

After the movie, we sat cuddled on the couch and just talked.  About the time he popped his 3rd beer, I knew something was up.  He finally moved the conversation to what he called a "serious topic."  As is my role in these situations, I proceeded to make a series of well-timed jokes to prolong the uncomfortableness.  Milton wrestled back control of the situation and told me, somewhat timidly but with a lot of sincerity, that he liked me.  I could have made him sweat a little, but I figured after eating my lasagna and listening to my jokes, he'd suffered enough.  I told him I liked him too.  And then he said he didn't want to date anybody else, and I agreed - I don't want him dating anybody else either.  I acknowledged it was only fair if I stop dating other people too, but honestly, I haven't been talking to or seeing anyone else for a week now.   

Then a little voice said, "tell him about the blog."  I tried to shut-it up with another pumpkin muffin, but it wouldn't be silenced.  So, I told him.  I figured if we were going to be exclusive, he deserved the whole truth about this project.  His reaction was fine; I don't think he really cared, but I'm sure he's interested to read it.  I'm not sure he loved his nickname, but we both know it was a good fit.  I told him since I was planning to keep writing it, it didn't feel right to keep it a secret.  I sent him the link, so we'll see if he's still fine with it tomorrow.  

Then, after all that, he kissed me.  It was sweet and simple.  And it was perfect.  It's also the most action my sofa has ever seen.  

The Good

• Who doesn't love being told someone likes them?  It's like the best feeling ever.  It's so hard to admit that to someone, but when it's mutual, it's just so perfect.  I appreciate so much that Milton had the guts to start that conversation.  He's definitely pursued me since we first met. That gumption is something that's missing in so many guys, and I feel incredibly lucky to have found it. 
• Our entire dating relationship thus far has been so easy.  I told him tonight that this felt like one of those really rare situations where we both knew, without talking about it, that we were having a good time.  After we had our serious talk, it was like a wall came down and we were able to really be ourselves.  We've always been able to talk easily, but this felt totally different. I'm really excited to spend more time with him on this side of things where we can both breathe a little easier. 
• He pointed out that he missed half a Dallas Cowboys football game to come hang out with me. And they say romance is dead...
• He had great lips - must be all that chapstick. 

The Bad

• Telling him about the blog was difficult, but I'm relieved to not be keeping a secret. Obviously, until we were exclusive, I didn't feel like I owed him any information about it, but once we crossed that line, it didn't feel right to keep it hidden.  I'm very interested to hear his thoughts about it.  A part of me thinks his initial reaction was so calm because he doesn't have a clue what he's in for.  Luckily, he's come off very well on the blog.  Well, all except for that whole Gilmore Girls thing.
• Now that I know he's reading the blog, I'm having a hard time not censoring myself.  Oh, who am I kidding, I've never had trouble being blunt.   

The Ugly

• Zip, zilch, nada....

Today's Updates

• As of about 20 minutes ago, I am no longer online dating!  I hid my profile.  Nobody is more surprised about this than me.  Look for my new self-help book to hit shelves next fall - Online Dating for Beginners: How to Find a Guy in 9 Dates or Less.  Mini celebration in honor of me!!!  Woo-hoo!!!
• The next time we can see each other is Wednesday, because this is just a busy week for me. Not sure what we're doing yet, but I'm not sure it matters. I just want to spend more time getting to know him.  
• Even though I'm not actively online dating, I'm still going to write this blog, at least until Milton shuts me down.  I've got plenty of online dating fodder to get through, plus now I can share all my awkward relationship stories.  I can promise there will be plenty to choose from. First up, Milton is meeting my sister on Friday.  Serenity Now!

Hey, no pressure, but would you please kiss me and meet my sister? - Date Diary #8

I'm not sure if it's the rain or just the exhaustion from having so many dates, but today I'm enjoying a well deserved pajama day at home. This is just the sort of lazy, unproductive activity I'd like to keep any potential suitors from knowing about until long after they've fallen for me.  Agoraphobia, even in its mildest form, is not particularly attractive.

I've been meaning to write this post all day, but between my hectic schedule of catching up on Netflix and taking naps, I just couldn't find the time.  After receiving the 8th text where someone wanted to know how the date had gone, I figured I owed my readers a little something in the way of a date diary.  So here you go...

Pre-Game

Something strange is happening as Milton and I go out on more dates.  This was our 4th date in 9 days, but instead of feeling more comfortable, I'm getting a little more nervous each time. It's not the bad kind of nerves that come from knowing you're about to start a really long evening.  What I'm experiencing are the nerves that come from having a stake in something.  I'm starting to like him, so I know there's risk involved now, and while I'm trying to learn more about him, I'm also trying to make sure he learns the best about me.  It's way more stressful than I would have thought. 

I was having a hard time figuring out what to wear.  I still don't have that many options, and since we've gone out so much already, he's already seen most of my stock.  Luckily, it turned cold this weekend, so I was able to pull out a new sweater that I bought a few months back.  Between the new sweater and my very skinny jeans, I have never felt tinier....except of course when I'm actually standing next to Milton.  

Here's how I looked for my date:

Unfortunately, Milton knocked on my door right after I took this picture.  I jumped as if I'd been caught snorting a line of cocaine.  Taking selfies is just the sort of thing I wouldn't want him knowing about this early in our...well, I'd use the word relationship, but I don't really know what we are yet.  At any rate, I don't have the picture of what I'm feeling like on the inside - just know I was feeling a little nervous, but the good kind.

The Date

Every time I answer the door for a date with Milton, I'm surprised by how tall he is.  It's like when we don't see each other for a few days, my brain forgets.  This is the part where good spatial reasoning skills would be helpful.  I know I will get used to this, but it's still something I think about on a fairly regular basis.  And tall girls everywhere are rolling their eyes thinking, "all I ever wanted was a tall guy, so stop your whining."  I know, I know, champagne problems. 

Milton took me to Mama Rojas and then to see a movie. In his defense, he had planned something else - we were supposed to go to a comedy club - but then he couldn't get tickets to the right show or something so he mentioned that we'd do that next week.  I didn't think much of it, but several guys have now told me that's what a guy does when he likes a girl - get her on the hook for a future date before you've even gone on the date you've got planned.  I can't imagine that guys are that complicated and scheming, so I'm not going to read too much into it.  The conversation in the car was pretty good.   I think we're definitely getting better at finding our groove from the beginning of a date. 

The restaurant was incredibly loud, but I think that always helps things to not be so awkward if there's a lull in conversation.  This was the second dinner date where I ordered a beer and he didn't. He doesn't seem to mind that I ordered one, but it's still weird to drink alone.  Makes me feel like a bit of a lush, but I simply can't eat Mexican food without a Dos Equis.  Conversation throughout dinner was good.  I'm amazed sometimes at our ability to talk about nothing.  By that, I mean that the topics we cover aren't necessarily always deep and meaningful, but we somehow manage to make a conversation out of it anyway.  

Milton had already gotten our tickets to the movie since we were going to the theater at Penn Square Mall with the recliner seats.  I really like how he thinks about things in advance, whether it's changing the radio station in his car before he picks me up or making sure we aren't sitting in the front row of a movie.  We had a lot of time before our movie, so when we got to the theater, they weren't even seating for our showing yet.  We decided to walk the mall a little, which was good. It gave us more time to talk without having to stare each other down across a dinner.  We talked more about our jobs and families.  I'm still impressed by his interest in my life.  After going out with so many boys who could only talk about themselves, it's so nice to spend time with a guy who sincerely wants to know what makes you tick.  Of course, once he really figures me out, he may wish he'd asked fewer questions. Here's the part where it sucks to be vulnerable.  

The Good

• He opened my car door every time!  I've made it my personal mission to really make boys understand how important this is, so I'm going to make a big deal about it every time. 
• He paid for everything, obviously, which I really appreciate.  I'm getting a little uncomfortable about this and I'd like to offer to pay, but it's so awkward and I don't want to emasculate him. I'd love some advice on this, so leave me some comment love.
• He had an umbrella since it was supposed to rain.  When we got to the theater, it was raining enough to use it.  He came over to my side of the car to get me so I wouldn't get wet.  He's so much taller than me, that there was no reasonable way for us both to be under it, but he said, "I don't mind getting wet, I'll just make sure you're covered."  So. Sweet.
• The movie ended up being really good, and bonus, there was no Fifty Shades preview to endure.  
• I commented on a girl a few rows ahead who was clearly taking a selfie, and Milton said he'd actually never taken a single selfie in his life.  Score.
• I had a really good time.  I'm not sure what we are or where we're going, but I know I'm having fun spending time with him.  I'm attracted to something about him that I'm not even sure I can articulate.  It's such a welcome feeling after being so confused about that other nice guy I dated. 

The Bad

• We sat in recliners at the movie theater, so we were basically laying side by side for two and a half hours.  It made it a little awkward to talk before and during the movie since we were both essentially horizontal.  
• He never held my hand either during our walk around the mall or during the movie.  I thought he might try to, but I guess he's just really shy about these things.  I thought about just grabbing his hand, but if I'm being honest, I'm pretty chicken shit myself.  
• The recliners in the theater are made of pleather, so every time someone moves or adjusts their seat, they sound as if they're having some kind of digestive problem.  I laughed internally - I don't want Milton thinking I have the sense of humor of your average 4th grader.  
• The end of the date was a little awkward.  He walked me to my door.  All night I'd been expecting him to kiss me at the end of the date, but he hesitated.  Maybe I should have just stood there and made him make a move, but we ended up hugging again.  It was longer and somehow sweeter than our previous hug, so I still feel like we made progress.  I'm not trying to rush things, but I am getting to the point where I'd like him to kiss me, just to see how I feel about it. By the way, I've started thinking the world is horribly confused about this first kiss situation.  Leaving it until the end of the date is terrible - it's too much pressure. You should really kiss at the beginning of the date, then it's done, and you don't have it hanging over your head all night.

The Ugly

• I created a small mess during dinner when I poured my beer into the salted mug.  I always forget that when the beer hits the salt it creates a mild volcano.  Party foul; My bad. 
• He admitted during dinner that he actually likes Gilmore Girls.  I've got major problems with this, which he now knows all about, because it's not like I ever keep my opinions to myself.  

Today's Updates

• Milton said at the end of the date that he'd plan something for us next week, so I guess we're going out again.  It cracks me up that he doesn't even really ask anymore, but I sort of understand why.  This is one of those rare situations where two people are in sync and just know they're both having a good time. 
• I have a bit of a conundrum.  My sister and her husband are coming to visit me next weekend. They don't visit that often, so I'd sort of like them to meet Milton, but that seems super fast.  I think we could keep it casual with lunch on Friday or something.  I can rationalize this whole thing by making the argument that it's really more like meeting my best friend than a member of my family, since that's really what my sister is.  I think I've decided to just invite him to lunch but be totally okay with whatever he decides.  I'd still love to know what you think in the comments.  
• After having a drought of site activity, this weekend I've gotten some likes, winks, and messages from some new fellas.  At this point, things are going so well with Milton that I'm closer to hiding my profile than I am to responding, but you'll be happy to know that some of these guys will be making appearances in future "between the lies" posts.  

What the fap!

While drinking with a few co-workers at a happy hour today, I received several enthusiastic compliments about the blog.  If there's one thing I know, it's that drunk boys mean it when they tell you they love you, or at least when they tell you they love your work.  And just so we're clear, Mr. F, you agreed to invest $10,000+ in turning this blog into a book.  And I've got witnesses.

I have to say, not being active on a dating site after being very active on a dating site is sort of like being on vacation.  Since I'm not "liking" anybody's profiles, I'm not getting any new messages or winks right now.  It's kind of nice just to be an invisible girl again.  I did have one Amber Alert favorite my profile at about 3am, but I'm trying not to think about that.

That being said, boys are still looking at my profile.  How can I tell?  I'm so glad you asked.  You see, my site has this handy little feature where I can see every time a boy clicks on my page.  It's so great for the stalker in me.  I'm sure the guys realize this, or  actually, they probably don't - sometimes boys are dense.  But I know about it, so I'm careful about what profiles I look at, because I don't want to encourage an Amber Alert, just like I don't want to scare off a Normal.  Looking at someone's profile two or three times is flattering.  Double digits starts to feel like this:

What's more concerning is when a guy looks at your profile way after you've already ended your communication with them or it should be clear you're not going to respond to their messages.  This happens a lot.  A. LOT.  At first I thought it was kind of sweet, like maybe I really am just that hard to get over. After talking about it with some friends, boy did I get an education.  Apparently guys who look at your profile when there's no chance of making a connection are often just using your photos for a little.....suddenly I'm very aware that my mother is reading this, so I want to be careful how I phrase this....."alone time."  I'm so sheltered, this had literally not occurred to me.  They never covered this in Saved By the Bell, which is where I get most of my dating advice.  Unless of course, that's what Zack Morris was really doing with that cardboard cutout of Kelly Kapowski.  Say it ain't so, Zack!  Mind. Blown.   

I'm not going to lie; I'm like 2% flattered. What girl doesn't want to know that she can "inspire" someone in that way?  I hope they're keeping it classy with soft lighting and a romantic soundtrack. Mostly though, I'm revolted.  What I can't figure out is what they see in my pictures that's so....."motivating." None of my pictures are scandalous in the least, and I'm not delusional enough to think that my girls are at all impressive.  I mean, the men's magazines aren't exactly racing to put a B-cup broad on the cover.  At some level (like way down deep, buried under the part of me that's horrified), it makes me want to reconsider some of these guys that can "walk their dog" with only my smiling face for company.  I'm running out of euphemisms that don't make me blush.  I suppose it's a victimless crime, except, well, I feel sort of victimized.  I'm tempted to message some of these guys - you know, something like, "Jesus and I know what you're doing."  But I don't want to give them any encouragement, and I have no doubt that for a lot of these guys, negative attention is still considered attention.

So who's guilty of repetitive profile views? Well, Geek Squad for one (that's not awkward or anything) and a few guys I talked to at the beginning that didn't work out for religious reasons.  I like to believe those agnostics have now found religion and are thinking about contacting me again just to talk about Jesus.  Yes, I live in a fantasy land.  Then there are a slew of regulars that I've never responded to, but they look at my profile every few days, when they're needing a little pick-me-up, I'm guessing.  

To all my admirers, I guess I'm here for you.  Also, please stop doing that with my picture. 

Today's Updates

• I'm getting excited for my date with Milton tonight.  This will technically be our 4th date in 9 days.  That seems like a lot, but I guess that's how you get to know someone.  
• I'm starting to like Milton, like for real.  I'm not 100% there yet, but I'm definitely headed down that road.  Now we're approaching the really fun part where I can get hurt if at some point he decides he doesn't like me.  Although, why wouldn't he like me?  I'm delightful.*

* Actually, I'm more of an acquired taste.  I only come in one flavor.  I'd compare it to key lime pie.  Those who love it really  love it, and those who don't, well they can go screw themselves.....kind of like the boys looking at my profile pictures.