Just a little bit of me being me

Now that I've been online dating for a full month, I wanted to take a minute to talk about why I decided to try this in the first place and share a little bit about what I've learned so far.  Like I've tried to do on the blog all along, this post will be as honest and authentic as possible.  Just understand, it's not in my comfort zone to talk about feelings and other warm fuzzies.  Apologies if this all ends up sounding like a cheesy after-school special. 

Why, oh why, did I do this?

For about the past year, I had been supremely unhappy about a lot of different things.  My job was a major source of the problem.  My company was going through some massive changes, and everyday felt like a useless management experiment.  When I'm facing stress or anxiety from something like work, I tend to deal with it by creating anxiety about other areas of my life.  The phrase misery loves company comes to mind, but in my case, I create my own terrible company by generating new issues for myself.  In this case, I got frustrated over being single in a part of the country that considers it a character flaw to be single past the age of 25.  It probably didn't help that I'd recently turned 30, a veritable romance expiration date for a normal mid-western girl. 

In January, after about 3 months of being bummed out, I decided to make a few changes.  I joined Weight Watchers at work, and I decided to try to expand my circle of friends and experiences by implementing an "always say yes" policy for my social life.  To clarify, the "always say yes" really only extends to social invitations, I'm not just giving it up to anyone who shows interest.  I think it's safe to say both of these changes have yielded excellent results.  I've met so many new people over the past 9 months just from going to random parties or outings - always when I'm invited; I'm not a party crasher, although that would make a pretty awesome blog too.  Normally, if I was invited to something where I wasn't going to know many people, the introvert in me would decline.  I wouldn't say I've had a killer time at everything I've attended, and I certainly haven't met "the one," but I have absolutely made some new friends.  As far as Weight Watchers goes, I've lost about 40 pounds, and I look and feel better than I ever have before.  Here's a before and after just so you can see the difference:

 



July 1, 2013
(Ignore the Justin Bieber balloons - my friends think they're super funny)

  

September 7, 2014

But even with these two big changes, I was still all alone.  Cue the melancholy ballad. 

About a month ago, I read a travel memoir, as I often do.  I love reading about people who risk everything and move to foreign countries without any idea how they're going to pay their bills.  It's more exciting than any thriller, because it's about a real crazy person pulling a real crazy person stunt.  The book was called The Paris Letters.  It was about a woman in her mid-thirties who lived in L.A. and had a successful career in advertising, but she wasn't satisfied.  Sound familiar?  Someone in her life suggested she make one small change and see how her life would change because of it.  So, she decided to start writing in a journal everyday and finally be honest in those pages about what she really wanted to do with her life.  Through that small daily exercise, she discovered that what she really wanted to do was give herself a break from her normal life.  Between selling all her possession and saving all she could, she saved up enough money to live in Paris for one year.  Once she was there, she figured out a way to make enough money through her writing and artwork to be able to stay.  Now she's married to a hot Polish butcher, and she's a successful writer and artist.  Basically, she's my hero. 

My first Paris Letter!

That got me thinking about what small change I could make that might help me to find a bit more happiness in my own life. As an aside, the way she makes her living, besides selling books, is so fascinating.  Basically, she paints a Parisian watercolor every month, writes a letter about Paris on the painting, copies it, and mails personalized editions out to people who subscribe to these letters through her Etsy shop.  Here's a link if you'd like to check it out - Paris Letters.  After reading this book, I decided that I wanted to be a part of her journey as well, so I subscribed to her letters for 1 year.  I got my first letter the first week of September.   I signed up for online dating and started this blog the day after I got my first letter.  Guess I favor large changes over small.  The timing was sort of a coincidence, but now I'm really excited by the symmetry of it all - I can see how my life changes over the coming months as I get my new letters.  I can already tell a huge difference in my attitude, just from the energy that comes from having a new project. 

Have I learned anything at all?

If you've read my previous posts, you know I've learned plenty about the process of online dating over the last month, but I've also discovered several things about myself along the way.  Here's just a sample of some of the more valuable lessons:

1. Relationships involve risk - you have to put yourself out there a little bit in order to get anything back. 
2. I'm better at flirting than I thought I was.  I spent most of my life thinking I had zero game, but that's not really true.  I may not be at an Olympic level yet, but I can definitely hold my own at the version for people who are missing limbs and things. 
3. The only guys who will "favorite" my profile on the site are Amber Alerts.  This is an absolute.
4. I have to use emoticons when texting or else boys can't understand my sarcasm.  This makes me sad for lots of reasons.  :(
5. First dates are really difficult.  I haven't found a way to make them painless yet, but I'm working on it.  The good news is, practice makes perfect.
6. There's just no substitute for following your instincts.  Luckily, I have a great bull-shit detector.  The few times in this journey I haven't followed my gut, I've regretted it.
7. Boys who start their messages with some version of "please have my babies," have no intention of raising babies.  As an additional parting gift, you will probably get hepatitis.
8. Contrary to what history has taught me, some boys do want to go out with me more than once. 
9. While girls are often better looking in pictures than in person, the opposite is often true for boys.  Mostly I think this is because boys don't realize how menacing they look when they don't smile in pictures.
10. I am a catch, and I don't have to settle.  I kind of already knew this, but it's been good to really get that lesson to sink in.

Shameless Plug Time

Polar Bears

Orphans

My Love Life

If any of these causes speak to you on a personal level......it's probably one of the first two, but the fact that you're reading this post tells me you care about my love life a little bit.  I just want to say thank you for sticking with me through this incredibly long post.  And truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading my blog and commenting either through the blog, by email, or in person.  I really appreciate every compliment or bit of constructive criticism I've received.  Being able to share my experiences with you all has been a real pleasure. 

The whore in me would like to share this blog on an even grander scale.  You'll notice this blog doesn't come with annoying ads or a PayPal link so you can give me money, but all that is about to change.  For $0.16 per day, the price of a sheet of paper, you can be a part of history.  Okay, that's not true - I have no idea how much a sheet of paper actually costs, and I'm not going to start asking you for money. 

What I would like is a little help getting the word out.  If you've been reading this blog and you've enjoyed it, please consider sending the link to 5 friends, coworkers, family members, etc. who you think might find it funny.  I know many of you have already been sharing it with people (thank you!!), but, you know, please think of some more people. 

Today's Updates

• Miami Vice has not texted me today, so I think he got the hint.  Whew!
• Preview of coming attractions - I'm really looking forward to my date with Milton tonight.  I'm very interested to see if we can talk as easily as we did on the first date.  Stay tuned.
• Engi-Nerd and I have texted a bit today.  I really like a lot about his personality, at least what I know of him through messages and texts.  I really need to meet him to see if this could be something or not.  Depending on how things go with Milton, this could get complicated, but I will just have to worry about that when it becomes an issue.
• Today I'm going to a co-workers going away party.  The old me would have looked at these situations with a little bit of dread, but the new me is excited about the prospect of meeting new people and putting my new flirting skills to practical use.  Look out world, I'm on the prowl.