I'm the one wearing the large sombrero - Date Diary #2

Dating sucks.  I'm way over it.  Like way, way over it.  After a long day at work, the last thing I want to do is get all dolled up and go meet a stranger to make small-talk in a way that makes me seem attractive while simultaneously trying to figure out if the guy is a weirdo.  It's exhausting!  In an effort to be the best version of yourself, you end up being the least authentic version of yourself.  But, alas, I'm still single, so it looks like I'll be playing the dating game for now.  So here's the low-down on my date with Old Ginger Spice.

 

Pre-Game

 

I was able to leave work a smidge early again - this time with supervisor approval - and go home to get pretty before the big date.  I wore a slightly similar outfit to last Thursday's date, but this time I wore heels because Old Ginger Spice is way tall. 

 

Here's what I looked like:

 

 

Even my feet were happy:

 

 

But this date had a lot more potential than my last one, so on the inside I was feeling like this:

I'd been distracted all day, thinking about this date.  I was definitely putting way too much pressure on myself and this mystery guy.  We had emailed and texted for so long that it felt like I knew this guy a lot better than I actually do.  It felt like that moment in You've Got Mail where Joe Fox is about to meet his mystery email buddy and he tells his coworker something to the effect of, "this person is the single most adorable creature I've ever come in contact with; if she ends up looking even as good as a mailbox, I'd be crazy not to marry her right now."  So yeah, lots of pressure.

A friend with some online dating experience pointed something out to me today that was interesting.  She mentioned that the thing that's so difficult about online dating is that you can get to know the big stuff about someone, but your brain fills in the rest without you even realizing it.  You can know if someone is smart or witty based solely on their texts, but you can't hear their voice, hear their inflection, see their body language, etc.  Your brain, in an effort to help you (or potentially ruin your ability to be normal), will fill in those physical details based on what you really want this person to be.  That may have little or nothing to do with who that person actually is.  And all those preconceived ideas are extremely unfair.  But, oh, it's so hard not to let your mind play with you on this.  All that to say, yet again, lots of pressure.

The Date

 

I got to the restaurant a little early.  I had never been there before, so I didn't want to be late just because I couldn't find the right entrance.  I parked near the restaurant, between two cars, so I could see the entrance but Old Ginger Spice wouldn't be able to see me if he walked in.  By the way, dating makes me feel a little like a secret agent on a stakeout. 

 

He sent me the following text:  "I got here a bit early so I procured a table.  I am wearing a large sombrero."  So. Cute.

 

I walked in and he was easy to spot - not because he was wearing a sombrero obviously, but because he waved me over in a fairly enthusiastic manner.  Yet again, the beginning of the date was the worst part.  I guess I just have to get used to this part being terrible.  I went with my old standby, "how was your day?"  It worked, yet again, but I'd still like to work on a more creative opening for future dates.  After that point, the conversation flowed pretty well, but it felt very much like a first date conversation - which, for the record, feels something like an interrogation.  At one point, I felt like I was asking all the questions, so I decided to just let the conversation die and see if he would take over.  It was sufficiently awkward for a few seconds (felt like years), but he did ask me a question, so good for him! 

 

He was a little more uncomfortable about talking about how we met.  He didn't seem to want to tell me how long he'd been on the site for fear that it would make him seem like a loser.  I assured him that with the amount of craptastic profiles available, a little discernment was not a bad thing.

 

Here's your highlight reel:

 

The Good

• He's a Christian!  He self described as a very liberal Baptist, which I think is great.  He attends church every Sunday, which is awesome.
• He's cute - he has a very Edward Norton quality to his face and expressions, which is a good thing.  Am I right, ladies?  Edward Norton can be creepy (Primal Fear, anyone?), but he can also be very charming.  He's like a hot guy who also looks like he can do math.
• He's very nice, and we share a lot of compatible interests.
• He texted me when he got home to say he had a nice time.  I replied the same.
• I'll give him a second date if he asks.  For the record, I'm making him ask this time.

The Bad

• I'm not sure the physical chemistry is there.  I can't quite articulate the issue in a way that doesn't seem overly picky, so I'll just leave it at that.  Suffice it to say, you can't force this, and only time will tell if this is something that will improve. 
• I felt like we were running out of things to talk about towards the end, but I think what this boils down to is that first dates are just really hard. 
• I'm not sure he ever got comfortable.  He was much more reserved and shy in person.  I suspect it will take him a while to be as charming in person as he is by text.  I'm not sure we'll make it that long, but you never know.

The Ugly

• Towards the end of the date, his phone rang, and the ring tone was "Yeah" by Usher.  Actually, that's not ugly, it's just hilarious. 
• And speaking of the end of the date, that was rough, and it was mostly my fault.  Let me just say, boys are the worst at ending dates.  We stood at the front of the restaurant awkwardly for a few seconds just staring at each other.  I can only assume that at that moment I had a tiny brain aneurysm, because that's the only explanation for what happened next.  I hugged him.  I. HUGGED. HIM.  Those who know me best are dying right about now, mostly out of embarrassment for me.  For those who don't know me, let's just say, I give the worst hugs.  Imagine the worst hug you've ever gotten.  I'm worse.  I promise. Of course, I may have met my match, because Old Ginger Spice was pretty much just as bad.  Although, I did sort of attack him.  The poor guy never saw it coming.  I'm humiliated.

Today's Updates

• Old Ginger Spice and I have been texting a little today.  Umm, while I was writing this post, we've been texting more, and he just asked me to go to the 48-hour film festival tomorrow night.  I accepted, and I told him to pick me up.  Here's hoping he's not a psycho-killer.  To be clear, it's not 48 hours long, it's just a contest of films that were made over a 48 hour time period.  I'm less excited for this date, because the mystery factor is gone.  I'm glad it's a date where we're doing something.  The pressure of a face-to-face dinner is not something I want to try again with this guy for a while.
• I'm still messaging a little with Referee, but I'm not sure it's going anywhere.  TaxMan has not responded to the last message I sent.  Not sure what's wrong with him.  I suspect he is a moron.
• I'm ignoring messages, winks, and likes from a few other guys.  Trust me when I say, this is the right move.