This week, on a very special episode of The Matchbook Diaries...

I feel like this is one of those rare serious episodes of a traditionally slap-stick comedy - you know the one where the main character gets pressured to smoke pot at the party after prom, or the dad finds condoms in the daughter's purse.  The laugh track isn't used as much in those episodes, but you can rest assured the whole thing will end with a heart-to-heart and lots of tears and hugs.  Then next week, it's back to prat-falls and bathroom humor.

Well, last night I had to tell Old Ginger Spice that we weren't going to be seeing each other again.  We had fun on our date on Saturday, but I was 100% sure at that point that we weren't going to work.  It's so difficult, because he's truly a great guy.  We should work.  He matches up to so many things on my imaginary list of demands, except that pesky requirement that I actually need to want to be with that person.  There's no doubt in my mind that Old Ginger Spice and I could have kept dating and maybe even ended up in a long-term (dare I say marriage) relationship, but I would not have been happy.  I would have been settling.

I've seen plenty of people my age and older who find themselves in a relationship like this, and out of a desire to have a family, they choose to make it work.  But more often than not, those relationships end up failing because the couple "grows apart."  It's easy to let that happen when you weren't really cemented together in the first place.  I don't want to think that perfection is possible, but I'm not ready to give up on the dream of finding a guy who really makes me feel something.  If it's meant to be, you shouldn't have to force it.

I ended up calling things off by text.  I went back and forth on this and decided that 3 dates didn't warrant a phone call.  Maybe that's me being a coward - this method certainly was easier for me - but I think it was best for him too.  This whole situation is awkward enough without putting him on the spot to respond to rejection in front of a live studio audience.  This way he could be alone and process for a minute and come up with a response that he was comfortable with.  I'll be the first to say I'm terrible at this relationship stuff.  I just don't have enough experience with it.  I felt like Old Ginger Spice liked me a lot; this was the first time I found myself in a situation where a guy liked me more than I liked him.  I definitely know what it's like to be in his shoes.  

Here's what I said:

So I've been doing lots of thinking.  We've gone out 3 times now, and it's been great getting to know you.  I'm not sure where you're at on this, but I'm just not feeling what I should be feeling at this point to continue dating.  This will sound cliche, but it's totally true - you're a great person, and I like a lot of things about you.  I can't articulate why the chemistry isn't there for me, but it just isn't.  Thanks so much for planning great dates.  Maybe you're on the same page as me, and if so, that's great.  If not, I'm really sorry.  I just think at this stage I'd rather be honest than waste anyone's time.

About 20 minutes later, he responded:

I've had a really good time getting to know you too and spend time with you.  In many ways, I felt we definitely were in sync together, albeit I was a bit slower in others.  Truth be told, I was always a bit bummed once the dates were over because you are such an incredibly funny, witty, and intelligent woman to be around.  I was always looking forward to the next time to see you and talk to you.  I completely understand if that's how you feel.  If you have second thoughts in the future, don't hesitate to give me a shout.....In my circle, it's a bit rare these days to find someone to have such great, enjoyable conversation with...

And.......that made me feel horrible, but I know I did the right thing.  I have zero regrets about ending things.  He's the right guy for someone; he's just not the right guy for me.  This is what's hard about dating.  When I started this project, I only thought about what it would be like to find the right guy, or avoid the occasional (or not so occasional) creep.  I didn't consider what it would be like to have to discard the great guy who just isn't great for me, but it's a package deal.  You can't just skip to the good parts. 

So, do you think I handled this the right way?  If I find myself in a similar situation down the road, what should I do differently?


Today's Updates

• Engi-Nerd is now my number one prospect.  We're still texting.  He mentioned meeting again in a flirty way, but he just doesn't follow through when that happens, so I think I'll be bold and ask him to meet for real.  Or maybe I'll give it one more day.  I'm such a chicken.
• Remember Borat?  Yeah, that guy.  He's still messaging me just to "check-in with me."  I haven't responded to his last 4 messages.  Take the hint, buddy.
• Oscar and I have exchanged a few more messages, but I don't get the feeling that this guy is very serious in his pursuit.  That was made obvious today with his last message.  I should have followed my gut in message two when he asked if I thought he was attractive.  Today he asked me if I had plans for tonight.  I said my plans had just gotten cancelled (which was true), thinking I could be spontaneous and meet him for a drink if he asked.  Then he responded with "nice, are you affectionate?"  I think this question is super weird, especially when he's asked me precious little in our few previous messages.  Maybe I'm overreacting, but I feel like this guy is just looking for a hook-up.  I'm obviously not that kind of girl, so he's out with the garbage, so to speak.  This is yet another good lesson in following my instincts. 
• I've received messages from 2 new guys that are much more promising than the last 2 new guys who messaged me.  The first is a pretty normal, almost bland guy I'll call OU Enthusiast #1.  There's not much in his profile that's real interesting but nothing too alarming either.  He's cute and he sent me a message - not a unique one - he said, "How are you?"  It was pretty special.  We'll see where this goes.  He's already way ahead of Oscar, in my book.
• The other guy is more interesting.  He just looks like he has a good personality from his profile.  In his first message he mentioned that we had the most important thing in common - a love for the movie Office Space.  For that reason, I'm going to call him Milton.  We also share something I find more important - we're both dedicated Christians.  We've been messaging off and on today, and I'm cautiously optimistic to see where this goes.  If anything, we can have fun bouncing Office Space lines back and forth.  "Excuse me, sir, but I believe you have my stapler." *

* If you're not getting these Office Space references, first of all, why are you reading this blog?  It's clear you don't like to laugh.  And second, go right now and buy a copy.  Don't bother renting it, because you will love it, and then you will have wasted $2 on renting a movie you're going to buy anyway.  You can trust me, I'm a lawyer.