What will people say when they hear that I'm a Jesus freak?

The whole online dating thing is such an emotional roller-coaster.  One minute, you're being winked at by hot boys left and right, and the next minute the only people that want you also attend sci-fi movie premieres in full costume.  Trust me fellas, I would only disappoint as Princess Leia.  I'm missing two very key ingredients.  Of course, I'm talking about her buns. 

 

I'm going on 3 weeks of this experiment, and I was starting to get a little depressed about my lack of attention from the Normals.  However, I got these two fortune's today at lunch, so maybe my luck is changing.  Coincidence?  I think not.

 

Now that I've put my love-life in the hands of Chinese poppycock, it seems like a good segue-way to today's discussion about religion and online dating.  Specifically, where are all the Christian Normals?

 

Finding a Normal is a heck of a challenge.  Trying to find a Christian Normal is like trying to find a recipe for brownies that has no calories.  It's such an enticing idea that you keep looking, but way down deep you know you're searching in vain. 

 

And now I kind of want a brownie.  Can I get an amen?!?

 

My profile is pretty clear about what I'm looking for.  I mention no less than 3 times that I'm a Christian, and I'm looking for someone who shares that belief.  Yet, I still get guys messaging me who clearly could care less about the Lord.  In addition to the straight up Atheists and Agnostics, I get a lot of guys who say, "I believe in God, but I don't believe in organized religion, so as long as you don't try to change me, then we'll get along fine."  I've got a couple of problems with that attitude:  (1) Organized religion isn't evil.  It's merely believing in God in an organized way, like with a building to meet in and a weekly schedule of activities.  Saying you believe in God but don't believe in organized religion is like saying you believe in professional football, but you don't believe in the NFL.  You make it sound like I'm a member of Westboro or something.  To be clear, I very rarely protest things.  (2) Don't warn me not to change you before we've even met.  It makes you sound rigid and opposed to compromise - two things that are very attractive in a future husband.  Good luck finding a woman who fits your super specific wish list - traditionally, women who like working on cars and playing fantasy football are into...well...other women.

 

That's not to say there aren't any Christian men on the site.  When I do a search of all the guys in Oklahoma City within my age range, I get over 2000 hits.  When I filter that based on compatible religion, the hits drop to a measly 154.  Still, that's a decent pool to choose from.  Now, based on my unscientific analysis of the ratio of Normals to Amber Alerts, let's say that 80% of those guys aren't datable for other reasons that will become apparent when you read their profile and/or look at their pictures.  That still leaves 30.8 guys to choose from.  I assume the .8 guy is a little person.  That's okay, I don't mind dating short.

 

So why haven't I heard from the 30.8 Christian Normals?  By the way, spare me the groundbreaking realization that I'm not on a Christian dating site.  Trust me, I chose my site intentionally.  I've had friends on the so-called Christian site.  There were no more Christian's on that site than on mine.  The world is just a terrible place. 

 

My profile has been looked at recently by several guys who seem to be a good fit from a religion and non psycho-killer perspective.  I've even liked a few of their profiles when I can tell that they've looked at mine, but alas, still no messages.  My pessimistic side (and let's be honest, I only have the one side) thinks it's because I don't fit the supermodel standard they  have for their future wife.  I can't do anything about that.  Could it be that when they read my profile, they think I'm not churchy enough?  I suppose I could take off that part about not liking Sarah Palin, but I hate to remove something from my profile that says so much about my very core as a human being. 

 

Perhaps I should pray about this more.*

 

 

Today's Updates

• Old Ginger Spice and I are still texting.  I'm still very conflicted about whether I should go out with him again.  To be fair, he hasn't asked me, but he is still texting me, so I have to think a 3rd date request is coming.  I've asked everyone and their dog for advice on this, and the masses are split 50/50.  The dogs come down a little heavy on the yes side, but I suspect they think I'm going to give them a treat if they nod their head.  I'm leaning, ever so slightly, on the side of going out with him again if he asks.  Here are the reasons I've come up with:  (1) we're still just getting to know each other, (2) the conversation on the second date was better than the first, (3) I may be putting too much pressure on the whole physical chemistry thing, (4) I'd hate to be too hasty in rejecting a guy without giving him a chance to really be himself, (5) he still texts me funny things occasionally, and (6) contrary to popular belief (at least South of the Mason-Dixon line), three dates does not equal an engagement, so maybe I should just relax.  I'd still love to know what you think if only to add new depth to my confusion.
• I'm still messaging with Referee.  At this point, I'm just responding to see how many messages we can exchange before one of us dies of boredom.  So far, we're at 33.  Through this intense conversation, I've learned that he sometimes ref's for basketball, and he likes lasagna.  Watch your step, it's getting pretty deep over here.
• I'm still messaging with Engi-Nerd.  He sends me one really long email per day.  They're not as charming as Old Ginger Spice, but I can tell he's probably more what I'm actually looking for in terms of physical chemistry.  I don't want to let my expectations get away from me like they did with Old Ginger Spice, so in an effort to ground myself in reality, I read all Engi-Nerd's emails in a Pee-Wee Herman voice.  In yesterday's email, he made a flirty comment about buying me dinner.  I hope that means he's getting close to asking me out for real.  I tried to be flirty back.  If that results in a date, we'll know my powers are getting stronger.  Today he actually sent me an email to say he was heading to Tulsa to go to a concert, but that he would write me a "proper and decent email tomorrow."  That's pretty considerate for this low-stakes stage, but it was definitely appreciated.  I'll keep you posted.

 

 

 

 

 

* I feel the need to point out that I'm being serious when I say that.  By now you've probably figured out that I can be sarcastic from time to time, but there are two things I don't joke about - being a Christian and John Cusack.  Okay, sometimes I joke about John Cusack.  Like just now.